just read an old fren's blog.
once agn, that mixture of feelings lurks within me.
ambivalence, they call it.
and it doesnt feel goot.


like mani other old frens frm our sec sch,
he entered the same jc as i did last year.
most ppl entered jc anw. HCI, NJ, RJ, SA, NY, AC, AJ and etc.
however, i chose to take on a different path.


and now, as 'A's draw nearer,
stacks of notes, tonnes of mock exam papers, endless remedials everyday.
everyone is falling sick, but continues to strive hard.
hectic lifestyle.


and yet, here i am, idling mi time away.
looking at mi old stacks of notes before i left the college, i realised how hardworking i was before.
emptiness engulfs me.
no longer can i find that sense of satisfaction. so inferior.


we used to mug, get stressed up and frustrated tgt,
sit in woodlands reg lib for hours,
burying our heads in the bulging ring files,
slogging through tutorials and supplementary workshts.


though it's apparently 2 different paths,
i cant help but to compare.
cos we were supposedly on the same boat,
but i haf chosen to step onto another.


it's not tt i haf regretted my decision.
but the lack of courage to be different,
simply makes me so inferior.