Dear diary,

I'm feeling so jaded. Met up with husky yesterday and omg I cannot believe that I actually felt nice around his company. Used to be so against him, and I'm amazed at how extreme feelings can change in such a short period of time. And suddenly, I enjoyed and I wanted more of his company. Isn't it strange and unbelievable? I guess it's because of his efforts in still keeping me close even though he already has a gf. Idk if this is inappropriate to say cos he might still be thinking of me even though he has a gf. He would say things like "I still feel quite sour that it's not me" when he asked if I have found the one, and also saying suggestive things like it would be an honour if he could still cook for me, and joking if he could be my stalker, saying that others have good eyesight to have noticed me. And he wanted to meet me over a good meal rather than coming to my workplace for just icecream. And he even asked if I had known him longer, would things have changed between us. Okay, I know he shouldn't be saying or doing all these because he already has a gf. How can he still say or do such things with someone he's liked before. But anyway, on the good side (at least on my side), it just means that what he had for me was real. It was quite unbelievable in the past because I don't believe in "love at first sight". And I doubted how he could be so into me? Besides, he was being so aggressively pushy and forceful in wanting to chase me, doing all sorts of things and going all out just for me, but I didn't even know him well. How could I reciprocate? And how could I not feel guilty and pressurized when I can't reciprocate? So, Idk if I was feeling touched yesterday by his sincerity in really being into me back then (and so I am more interested and motivated to know him more now since what he had for me was real and it should be worth my effort right?) or that it was the sincerity of wanting to be friends? In terms of wanting to be friends, I just find it touching too because most guys who chased me disappeared or even denied anything to do with me after we drew boundaries. But he didn't. He still bothered to put in effort to be friends even though he has a gf. He didn't deny that he liked me in the past just because I pushed him away. He was still concerned for me even though we are just friends. This touched me greatly because it just means that he didn't wanna get to know me just because he wanted to chase me. I really mattered to him as a person rather than just someone he was chasing? I know it was still mainly that back then (cos like what he said, what he had for me was real, but back then it was just a bit hard to just be friends), but he doesn't have any other reason to still keep in contact with me (he was still texting me every now and then to ask about my day and all) now right? So it should be that he really valued me as a person that is why he still bothers to be friends? And it's so rare that anyone would still bother to keep in contact after being rejected u know. There are so many other girls out there, why would this one girl matter so much to them. If they failed, then look somewhere else isn't it. Furthermore, he has a gf to keep him loved and accompanied, why would he bother about some other girl whom he has chased before but didn't reciprocate his feelings, and made him so upset? Unless I am being naive again like what most of my guy friends would tell me, that it is impossible that he wants to keep me as a friend, but more because he isn't all that happy after all in his current rs and is either still trying his luck with me, or having the best of both worlds and not wanting to lose any side (having a gf by status to love and be loved because I can't get together with him, but still keeping me by his side because he isn't as happy as with her). Actually now that this strikes me, I would really love to know and understand more about people who cheat. Like what sis said, maybe this guy whom I told her was cheating felt exactly this way. He did not want to lose any sides because both were important to him. Okay actually after all these thoughts, I think husky is keeping in contact with me still even after he has a gf is not 1) because he really wanted to keep me as a friend, or 2) because he is still trying his luck to chase me, but 3) because he might not be as happy in his current rs and therefore he thought of me and well, since I can't be his gf, if he remained as friends with me, he could at least keep my presence, which probably could make him happier, by his side.

K I'll continue this at night after my work. Gonna go prepare now. Bye!