Feauturing my favourite place in Sg. And it holds so so much memories for me.

1) Aylwin

NDP. Those saturday nights after NDP trainings at the floating platform were unforgettable. It was like a romantic fairytale. Getting so stupidly excited and my heart exploding whenever I hear their music or people dressed in their costume pass by us at the floating platform. Those hugs and kisses.. at marina square, and those nights we were so crazily addicted to each other's presence that we missed our last transport. I will never forget them. Haha my first ever rs. Those days were so awesome. Young, innocent, and just.. happily in love. Those were the days, haha. And bumping onto him at the same place years later at a friend's POP, just felt nice. The romantic feeling is no longer present. But it just felt good to see someone you were once so close to. The rooftop bar at esplanade too. Where I joined he and his friends when we were still not together, and where I passed him the chip and dale stamp, and he passed me the wooden piggy keychain :)

2) Adrian

So much endless fun and adventure. Prolly the best treating me guy ever. I feared nothing and worried nothing when I was around him. Thinking back, those carefree days of fun hanging out randomly were one of the happiest moments I had. The Sg flyer, popeyes, max brenner, gardens by the bay before it was built.. He took care of me like I was a little girl. And I just had to be there and enjoy. He did all the planning, brought me to interesting places, and fed me with good and expensive food all the time, showering me with so much love. I was so pampered, and I had so much fun experience. Such a pity that to me, i could only treat him like a loving older brother.

3) Elisha

Haha. Shortest romance ever. Well, it was indeed a romantic experience with him. The F1 pit. When he asked me to be his girlfriend. Unforgettable. Though things didn't end quite well with him, i will always remember the good times we had much more than the bad ones. Yup, he was such a sweetie. I'll always remember that night at the F1 pit. I didn't complete my ESL but still came out to meet him. I leaned beside him while we sat along the river just infront of the flyer, and we chit chatted and had much laughter. I could just get lost in his voice whenever he sang. That gentle voice yet with so much swag. And yup. That look he had when he plucked up so much courage to ask me that question, and all that shyness, i fell in love. And butterfact. That night when I could let my hair and that control freak that i was down, and became such a passionate and affectionate person to him. It felt good. Thankful I still have that photograph of us for memory sake. It's not that I am holding on, it's just that I like to remember the sweet times and things I've experienced before. It's a wonderful feeling to reminisce. "I don't cry because it ended. I smile because it happened".

4) Yeecheng

Yet another fun and happy experience. Well, we were never together, always in that grey area. But an opened grey area. We were so opened about this between us such that at one point of time, it becomes that we didnt really care what we were anymore. We just had fun. And it felt good. We were lost in our own little fun world of crazy adventure. We would do crazy things. In fact he always had crazy ideas. And never dare him. He will do it. Helix bridge to the mbs boardwalk to raffles place lao pa sat to marina barrage. He is such a daring person who dreams and envision big things, always such a great inspiration to me. He shares stories of dreams and interesting things that he sees or reads to me, always surrounding me with such positivity and fun. He tells me to be practical but impractical at the same time. I really look up to and enjoy being around him. And I do have a love hate rs with his ego. It's attractive and charismatic yet annoying at the same time.

5) Ivan

This guy is a major problem. Though he's the one my feelings have stayed the longest and where there are most memories and emotions involved, there aren't so much memories with him at the marina area though. Just a short little one at the F1 pit. The night when we watched a horror movie alone together for the first time. "The Long Weekend". Marina Square. And we walked over to the F1 pit along the river and sat. And once again, stargazed for a bit. This stargaze thing would always be something exclusive about us, at least to me. And also like what he always says, that I like dark dark places. Haha. Just so happen that we always went exploring dark places together because idk i would always associate him with ghost hunting and thrill and a bit of romance. And these would naturally be associated with dark places. And of course the starry box that he made me for my bday in 2013. But we're always there but not there. More than friends but not a romantic couple. Idk what we were. But it was so much laughter with him. He tells me the lamest things yet which I could laugh so hysterically over. The phobia 4 video that we watched together there. He would also open up to tell me things that I would so wanna fix for him. He would sound so broken and I would so wanna hug him and shower him with so much love. And also once, at the merlion when the guys were playing the "girl A or girl B" elimination game. Apparently I was one of the choices the guys gave him where he had to choose. He was so defensive n shy he didnt wanna play it. Haha and that look was just cute. But im just so upset that we have drifted so much apart. And I've almost given up on trying to initiate, to keep whatever we have. Idk what he's thinking but I'm so tired of his negativity and passivity. I wished he could walk out of this and be more proactive. And have more trust and confidence in and determination towards others and the rs with them. And there's this dilemma in me. Knowing that I lose motivation and am super alright with letting go easily (im not the persistent type and wouldn't really wanna change the minds of others), I hope he can meet a special girl who is emotionally ready to love him wholeheartedly, yet I want to be with him because I like him. Trouble trouble trouble :(

6) Justina

K this is the only part that isnt associated with romance. Haha. Dont get me wrong. This is about friendship. She was my clubbing partner, my sisterlike and fellow single girlfriend whom I've shared the young and wild days with. In short, we shared so much woes together. And she was my favourite pair of ears when we spoke about n oogle over boys. Butterfact (our clubbing hangout when we were younger), exploring kudeta, and all the emo sessions together. I'm really upset that our friendship had to turn out this way. Yup just in case you were wondering, we kind of lost contact because of that incident of one of her irresponsible, moody, and angsty episodes, when I really really couldn't stand anymore. Idk what made her so selfish and full of herself so suddenly. We used to speak so much of the future, how we would still have so much fun together even when we were old and haggard, just like  the wild things single girls would do when we were young. But idk how did things become like how it is now. She doesn't even bother to contact me. Well, I always appear like I don't care, to protect my pride and ego, but deep down, in fact I really do. I wished she'd acted more.

Okay. It was a nice therapeutic time sitting here by the river and reminiscing. Really needed this to calm my mind. So much has been going on in life. And I've been trying to balance and sort many things out. Myself, what I want in my job, my identity and expectations for myself at work, a balance between work, me time, my social life with friends, and my love life. Mentally and emotionally tired. But press on. You can do it.

Words of the month:
1) FOCUS
2) GO BEYOND