Dear diary,

It's been years! Anyway, I am so excited to say that.. I AM SO IN LOVE WITH THIS GUY. Well, there's actually nothing going on between us yet. But at least we are chatting. He's really cute. Positive vibe and all. Unlike the past where I have always fallen for guys whom I have chemistry with, that something more like what I have always said, now I believe that there is something else that is as equally important to me which I have always overlooked - and that is, someone who can bring out the best in me. AHHH. I haven't had such googoogaga feeling over someone for years already. I hope something comes out of it!! Though I haven't actually really met him (only once, and that's like 6 months ago), I am actually missing him. Well, I guess it really doesn't take two people to be in the same part of the world to connect.

On a side note, I am really over B. Erm this new guy's name actually starts with B. But just to be consistent, new guy will be called LB, and B will remain as Ivan. So anyway, I still hope to reach out to B. I really want to prove to him that despite past romantic complications, a guy and a girl can still be friends, and that my friendship with him is for real, not just any that comes and goes out of convenience. Sigh. People might say that things have changed, so why still bother when he doesn't seem to care. But somehow, I just feel a special connection with him, and this doesn't have to be romantic. I really don't know how to explain this. I might have a soft spot for him I guess. Like how I have a thing for broken people. Sigh. During the bbq, I got to know that he did show actions that he cares. But why did he sound so reluctant and uncomfortable when I texted and asked for a meetup? Is it because he is afraid that I am still carrying hopes of something romantic which he doesn't want me to and so he is avoiding me? Or is it that he just doesn't want to face all these complications like lingering feelings of confusion and unhappiness because it will be another mental torture again? I really really hope he opens up. I still care for him as a person but I don't want to be forceful about it. But I will not give up. I will continue to write the letter book to him.

So anyway, recently I have been trying to describe and associate adjectives with guys in my life that I've liked/like. Pretty interesting. Here we go.

1) Shengyu - Super sweet/caring, fun, smart/all rounded
2) Matthew - Simple, happy, cute, sensitive, fun and cheeky
3) Aylwin - Chemistry, cute, sensitive, fun and cheeky
4) Elisha - Simple, sweet, cute
5) Ivan - Super sweet/caring, ultra chemistry, sensitive, fun and cheeky, real (though limited to situations)
6) LB (up to date) - Positive, inspiring, happy, simple, cute, fun and cheeky, smart/all rounded, real

I miss LB though. I can't wait to meet him in person (not like there are already arrangements to. I am just hoping for one because of our conversations that are suggestive of it.). But that girl that keeps tagging him and said that she missed him in one of the posts.. :( make it sound like they are so close. To add on, drumming is like an additional similarity and interest that they share :( I am scared :( that he is already "taken". Diary, please bless me.

Weiling