that is how their twist look like

mi fav boy!

they think it's yummy

HOORAH

looking intensely at the toppings

they thot tt was egg when it's actualli oil

they pay lotsa attention

stirring the flour and water

pretty girl DINA

pretty girl JOSEPHINE

so many tiny hands

handsome kid

hello all! have been spending lotsa money lately, like buying clothes and presents. but dear moma and dadda please dont say i didnt get anything for u cos i haf yet to withdraw mi own money frm the bank so tt i can use mi OWN MOONEY to get smth for u. :) hehe. haf been gg shopping on mi own recently and im beginning to like it. :D oh oh and guess what i saw ytd? a patrick cushion keychain! :D so lovely me got it for mi sis' bdae at $5.95. it's so tiny can.. and it costs like almost 6 bucks. but no choice. she has been longing for this and besides, patrick stuff are like hardly found aniwhere else. SO I BOT IT. :) and then i got a mascara for her. aint i sweet? haha. i got one spongebob cushion keychain somewhere else, for miself too. costs like 2 times cheaper than patrick. tsk. cos spongebob is more common u see. yay yay and i went out with shihui todae. :) had a great time. saw mani interesting stuff like blue prawns (i think they are foreign prawns), some funny looking sea creatures and ENORMOUS terrapins (one with inverted shell). i met some frens on mi way home too. they were telling me abt how scary promos is and abt their plans of gg to poly next yr. i was stunned luh, esp when the exam starts nxt fri if im not wrong. i heard tt some PJ-ians haf just withdrawn as well. so im just wondering if chris has withdrawn due to the fact tt jianqin has not been seeing him in sch lately. but aniway, all the best to all of u, mi frens. :)


and tell u smth. im growing so attached to mi job! the staff are treating me betta. fortunately. :O i cant wait for the corners to be set aside! because im put in charge of the indoor kids gym! :D hohoho! gonna show u some random fotos of the kids ltr on. and a note to bee-stung shiwan! GET WELL SOON OKAEE!!


i actualli haf an interesting question to ask. u are walking on ur way home one fine day, and u suddenly feel so much like shitting that u cannot control it any longer. u see a stink-filled toilet. will u 1) go in, or 2) find a secluded spot and do it there? haha.


alrite gtg now.
i want the "back to prehistoric" spongebob vcd.
and a HUMONGOUS patrick soft toy on mi bdae.
who wld be so kind and nice to buy it for me? XD HAHA.
tata.

aint he a darling? X)

happie teachers' dae.

hello all! it was teachers' dae ytd.. and i received lotsa presents from the sweet children. :)however, i cant manage to recall the looks of some of the children who gave me their handmade presents. this is due to the fact tt i dont teach them since they are from k1 and k2. im still unfamiliar with the faces frm k1 and k2 due to the lack of interaction u see. therefore, to tell u the truth, i dont realli feel like accepting the presents yesterdae, which were given by the children whom i dont noe. i dont feel the need to give me any present since i dont teach them. it seems as though they were on a mission to hand me the handmade presents. i noe it's kinda mean to sae such things, but i dont feel goot accepting their hardwork when i dont even noe who they are. on the other hand, i realli like the presents given by mi n2s. :) they gave things like chocolates and flowers. one of mi boys even asked if i liked the flowers. how sweet. :) if u haf seen mi previous entry, he is the one who pronounces 'f' as 'p', and 'r' as 'l'. haha so 'flower' has became 'plower' and 'red' to 'led'. he said "u like the led plower?" i couldnt control mi laughter and yet he laughed tgt with me, without knowing the reason why i was laughing! haha how silly and cute.


oh anw, i felt indignant yesterdae, although it was supposed to be a joyous occasion. the teachers forgot abt me when they were supposed to tell me tt there was a meeting at 6.30. furthermore, u noe how obtuse i am, always the slowest to realise things and the last to understand some stoopid lame jokes. so i didnt realise tt the teachers who could supposedly be dismissed at 5.30 were still ard. and the thing im still feeling indignant abt is tt, one of the teachers actualli said：“小朋友，把眼睛睁大一点”。this was rude can? i noe im onli 17, the youngest among u all. but is there such a need to call me by tt? i should haf rolled mi eyes at her. fine. im a novice. but is tt a reason to be scorned and spurned? i could see from ur contemptuous faces alrite? please. so what if im inexperienced? i will prove to u tt i haf the similar ability to care for the children. evryone has his or her first time, dont they? it is ur loss tt u dont noe how to appreciate me alrite. aft much contemplation, i am clear. so what if they dislike me? so what if they leave me out? i am happy with the way i am, and i am contented with those wonderful children ard me. i am happy enuff to haf the children telling me they love and like me. i repeat, it is ur loss tt u dont appreciate me. u shall see. alrite i shall upload some fotos ltr on.

presenting you the N2s of sherwood educare!

he said it was his new hairstyle:)

the pizza that they made. i cut the toppings!

my classroom:)




sherman, who pronounces 'four' as 'pour' and refers bolster as 'baobao' with a slang




only 4 yrs old




that malay girl learns mandarin




curly eunice and sotong ray




the most popular learning corner




the second last boy, ray, held the wrong side of his drawing




their pizza




she wanted to hold the pizza too




the pizza they made

she said that was a bdae cake

toot toot train

another pizza

playing!

mi fav boy xuyang, and chubby cheeks alycia




they love the 2 ponytails




he said that was a pizza for me




she has fishball cheeks:)

the autistic child, john, and gisele

their pizza:)

my class!

hi all. my apologies cos it's gonna be all about mi job job job agn. alrite, i noe it's getting boring, posting issues on mi job all the time. but pardon me, because there is nothing else for me to write on anymore. pathetic, aint it? from here, we can actualli infer that this girl, by the name of Ng Wee Leng, age 16, constitutes A LIFELESS NERD. in fact, she feels tt she is living in her own world.


i realli ponder sometimes, if my frens still do remember this crazy-girl-used-to-be, since im so tied down by mi work right now and hardly able to catch up with them. it's like.. i've totally lost contact with almost all of them? wonder if my name has already vanished and disappeared from their minds. by looking at mi fone, i realised i've only used 126 msgs so far. it really amazes me since mi msgs shd haf usualli exceeded by the 25th day of each month. i seem to be living in a world surrounded by 4 walls.


i didnt write this to blame anyone. i noe mi frens are busy. like preparing for promos and stuff. if i were to steal those precious time away, im just being a selfish brat. yes and speaking about purpose, im just feeling kinda depressed due to some mishaps in mi job you see. whenever i needed someone to confide in badly, i wrecked mi brain but just couldnt come up with a single name. so here i am, ranting in my blog.


things are so damn screwed up in mi work. and im like at a total loss of what to do although i noe i can onli endure, so as to occupy mi life with meaning. however, u cannot imagine how terrible i feel whenever im being left out in the conversations of ALL the other teachers. it's not like i didnt give an attempt. i did try, to begin a conversation, but all i get in return are short and swift replies.


so, it's realli not surprising to find me isolating myself during teachers' breaks. to tell u the truth, deep within mi heart, i sincerely hope to noe them better, and treat them just like how i treat any of my other frens. who doesnt hope to gain acceptance in a new environment? i bet they must haf thought im some arrogant and anti-social greenhorn. there was a meet-the-parents session today, and that feeling i experienced was awful alrite. i knew practically nothing the other teachers were talking about. i tried to fit in, i joined in the laughters, yet, i still felt invincible. i felt like an idiot who was luffing away pretentiously. they did not even bother to look towards mi direction when they talk. hello. i haf feelings too alrite? cant anyone of you notice mi presence? in fact, i almost broke down todae. but still held back mi tears in the end. it could haf been damn embarrassing if i didnt do that.


besides, i haf a woman's instinct that one day, i will discover the teachers backstabbing me. rmb what i said abt tt tcher who was sacked? she suffered this identical mishap. how can i not worry? if they dislike me, they can at least like tell me where mi problems lie? how can i change when i dont even noe what pisses you all off? the reason they kept me there must haf been due to the lack of teachers. just look at the way they treat me. totalli like a fool whose feelings nobody cared abt. sigh. but look. the kids still need a teacher. and i cant bear to part with them so soon either.


anyway, watched campus superstar just now. i thot tt benjamin would clinch the overall winner! but sadly, he didnt. :( and u noe, i realli envied the bond tt held the contestants strongly together, as well as the closeness they shared. the big hugs and encouragement they gave.. the tears they shed for one another.. these say it all. dont u think it's such a blessing to see a bunch of great frens sharing ur sorrows or joys together? how sweet it is to be embraced by a familiar face, given the assurance that this someone will always be there for you whenever you need a listening ear or a crying shoulder.


well, lets now talk about something happie for a bit. mi darling fuxiang came todae! haha.. he is such a darling luh. he was showering me perpetually with kisses today, all over mi body. mi knees, feet, arms, palms and even mi front double u (but here, only once. haha). how adorable and sweet is he, telling me he wanted to hug me. haha and he said he likes me! XD that genuine and bright smile of his did cheer me up a little though. otherwise, i dont know how mi day would haf turned out to be like. this little angel even asked if i wanted to go to his house. haha.. aint he cute? he carries a bobdog water bottle with him too!! X) i think i shd bring a cam in the future on sat, since there wldnt be any lessons going on.


wow it's alrdi 3 in the morning!
alrite frens.. i gotta say gootnite for now!
So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, good night! :)
SWEET DREAMS.

i so love tt song. :D anw wenta work yesterday and things got better! i chatted with the other teacher who actualli has a son with the same age as me! :S haha. hmm, she's friendly and fun.. at least not as hostile as i thought. and guess what? darling fuxiang was there! mi cherubic angel. i hugged him as he sat on mi laps ytd. he was singing this hi-5 song tt goes like this.. "L-O-V-E. i love you. u love me." *squeals!* sweet little boy. oh i love him so dearly. gonna bring a cam there someday and show all of u the children's fotos! they are darn cute can! haha. an indian girl whose name is akirah (sounds like the company name of an electronics company), his best friend i suppose, kept on asking yesterday if he loves her.. so cute luh! kids are simply so innocent. haha im yearning to go out!!! i need some life man. and i miss camwhoring! mi frenster fotos are getting OLDDD. :( haha. just burnt some pizza related videos for mi N2 children to watch tmr.. so tired now. SWEETDREAMS MI FRENS! :D

it had been a busy week.. and YAYY! i finalli get to use the com agn! but guess i will onli be able to blog once in a week in the future though. :( i feel so detached frm the world. :( wonder what all mi friends are doing right at this moment. i miss being with all of them. i miss talking to friends of the same age group as me. shall cover this ltr on. and i haf so mani things to sae tt i haf no idea where to begin..


alrite. firstly, i haf the need to sae tt sometimes, adults should learn from kids. and one of the things is, the willingness to express themselves. last sat when i was at work, this k1 handsome lad called fuxiang, was consistently telling me tt he likes me. okae this may sound kinda thick-skinned, but u cannot believe how happy i was! the feeling of acceptance and appreciation is simply so pleasant. can u imagine how powerful a sentence can be? in addition to his simple smile, it made up mi dae. he said, "ms ng, i like you","ms ng, i want to sit with you","i want to play with ms ng","ms ng, i still like you". i felt so great. i saw the importance of expressing oneself, the magic tt a simple sentence can create. in fact, we should all abandon the hesitance to tell someone how much we appreciate him or her, and brighten up tt someone's dae! :)


yes and next, a piece of goot news! i had an increment in mi pay! :D whoosh! see. i am goot. haha. oops. XD the supervisor said tt it was due to mi hardwork. yayy!! haha im being thick-skinned agn. hehe. oh and let me tell u smth. the new tcher who was employed a day earlier than me had been sacked. i was astonished!! no one told me abt it and i didnt haf a single clue tt all the other tchers had prejudice against her until the dae she left! she didnt even sae a bye to me. so stunning luhh! im so afraid tt one dae, i wld find the tchers backstabbing me too, since they dont talk to me often, unlike how they wld, to one another. i could feel the age gap. are those the right words? in fact, i've been searching for a word to describe the dsitance between the whole lot of them, and me. they chat with one another like old friends, while for us, pure collegue relationship. we simply haf different frequencies. i alwaes dont feel at ease during tchers meetings. and im alwaes the one who gets left out in conversations. perhaps tt constitutes outcaste. well, most of them are married and haf kids aniway. who knoes? this might be the reason. sigh. i miss all of mi frens. it realli doesnt feel goot to be left out all the time. sigh. i feel like im living in a world where all mi frens haf disappeared, where strangers reject mi presence.


oh well, there is alwaes a piece of bad news tt comes tgt with goot news rite? and tt is, this childcare has been sold to a new company which is way more professional than the former one. TADA. here comes the stress. im not trained afterall, nor do i haf a certificate of earli childhood education. so, will such a professional company, which owns 16 other other childcare centres, continue to employ me? why does this hafta come in when i've just began to grow attached to mi job? besides, i haf been given an unfair contract tt requires a 1-mth termination notice even during the probation period, and 2 aft confirmation, when they can ask me to leave anitime, once they decide to and manage to hire a certified tcher. tt is the thing tt has been bothering me. gonna negotiate with the new boss next mondae anyway. i hope tt they will remove the contract since i can onli work for 7 mths or so and i dont wish to leave now.


it seems quite ironic to sae this because i just mentioned tt i feel uncomfortable with the staff. but it is the children who made me enjoy being there. and despite the stressful project approach theme ("pizza" for mi class) coming up, and the fact tt almost all mi energy is drained up evrydae, brainstorming for ideas for the lessons as well as disciplining the children, the happiness attained by interacting with them still hold more importance than anithing else. haha. i just cant bear to part with them now. i will definitely miss their pure laughters, innocence, bright smiles, voices one octave higher than mine, plus the sweet hugs and kisses they gave.


:) wish all mi frens who are taking promos soon all the best!

hi peeps. the entire week was strenuous. whoo!! i almost fainted frm exhaustion when i reached home just now. haha. the autistic child, john, was sooo naughty this week and i had to spend so much energy on him tt when i got home evrydae, i just laid on mi bed and simply dozed off. im even hafing a sore throat now! boohoo. :( must haf been all the shoutings. u noe what? the kids could scream 2 times louder than me! haha.


ytd was national day! i didnt hafta work!! phew finalli one day of rest. haha and someone whose hp no. i didnt noe, sent me a baffling msg abt toto, 4D, condo and national dae greetings!! i was stumped. haha. following on, i went to wengeok's hs to bake cookies! YUMMIE! XD i love cookies!! :D:D:D esp butter cookies!! n baking is so much fun! :D:D:D hee. went home to change aft tt and met up with 4p1 for the class outing in town. i miss them truckloads. but i felt kinda distant from them ytd. i wanted to talk to them sooo much. however, there was this unknown strength tt was pulling me back, leaving me hesitant when mi eyes met with theirs. the moment i saw them, i had a warm and homely feeling. but i didnt noe what tt force was, which made me take a step back. :( sigh. but im sure there'll be a next time. i will definitely not let tt chance slip away agn.


oh oh! and we wenta dhoby ghaut to eat fish n co. DELICIOUS! i had new york fish n chips. the 1st mouthful, and i got hooked. i love the cheese! haha. and magnus was so cool lahh! he went on stage to perform. played "here without u" by 3 doors down, using guitar. and he sang the last part. OMGAWD lah! so sudden. bud he did a great job anyway! hehe. junliang and shengyu did smth realli sweet ytd too. they requested a balloon for chongwee whose bdae is coming soon, from a guy who was twisting balloons away, and let him deliver it to her. had a bit of the "from anonymous" effect. hehe. oh yes i wore mi holly shoes and ended up with numerous blisters. boohoo. haha undeniable, girls hafta pay for their vanity. XD haha.


oh besides, im beginning to doubt mi level of maturity in handling young children. i suppose mi lack of experience and training is the cause of it. like what the senior teacher has said, SAFETY COMES FIRST. however, i cant seem to take note of all the little things tt shd be done to protect the safety of the children. furthermore, they cant seem to learn frm their mistakes whenever i reprimand them. i feel despondent. i find tt the only thing i can do is play with them. the way i manage the class is totally unacceptable i feel. the other teacher taking the N2s mentioned abt making the children like me and respect me at the same time. she emphasized not to appear too gentle as this will not earn their respect and obedience. but i dont feel tt i've achieved it. whenever i look at the way the other experienced teachers handle the children, i alwaes feel helpless cos i dont know what is best for them and how to take appropriate actions in dealing with the way they react. i alwaes seem to do the wrong things.


hmm, nevertheless, i haf to pick miself up and take this as a learning opportunity. perhaps reading up some related books in the lib may help. so.. ENDURE! hafta drill this into mi head all the time. cos the children are simply too lovely to separate from! i wonder how i am gonna leave at the end of march next yr. haha.


i need some life/.

HELLO! oh my my i love mi job!! all those lovely kids. XD there was this 3 yr-old boy called russell who gave me a KISS both ytd and todae just before he left for home!! :D:D:D dont u think that's very sweet? and mi fav kid, xuyang, who is in mi N2 class, will suddenly scramble over, hug mi legs and sometimes just nua there. he was sweet todae. he said, "i help u button ur shirt." AWW.. and he said smth like, "so tired." and he just laid his head on mi laps. he is handsome too luhh!! those longgg eyelashes are simply so ATTRACTIVE. so mani adorable kids. zhanghui, nigel, dexter, ryan. those with mucus hanging frm their nostrils all the time. but they are cute, with the two chubby little cheeks. haha all ah dais (referring to tt ah dai frm la bi xiao xin). kaijun, josephine, gisele, lixuan, valerie, john! all of whom i love. shall show u guys their fotos another time. :D:D:D


sometimes i just love kids for the way they make me smile. and i'll wonder why they haf that kind of magical power. their innocent faces and the little things they do, such as coming over to me, holding mi hands, simply brighten up mi day.


U ARE MY SUNSHINE.
MY ONLY SUNSHINE.
U MAKE ME HAPPY,
WHEN SKIES ARE GREY.
U NEVER KNOW DEAR,
HOW MUCH I LOVE U.
PLEASE DONT TAKE MY SUNSHINE AWAY.

happiness is priceless.

Musical: RentSong: Seasons Of Love

525,600 minutes, 525,000 moments so dear.

525,600 minutes - how do you measure, measure a year?

In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee.

In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.

In 525,600 minutes - how do you measure a year in the life?

How about love? How about love? How about love? Measure in love.

Seasons of love.

525,600 minutes! 525,000 journeys to plan.

525,600 minutes - how can you measure the life of a woman or man?

In truths that she learned, or in times that he cried.

In bridges he burned, or the way that she died.

It's time now to sing out,

tho the story never ends let's celebrate remember a year in the life of friends.

Remember the love!

Remember the love! Remember the love!

Measure in love.

Seasons of love! Seasons of love.

*WEE!* haha. got accepted into 2 jobs.


1st, shoes promoter at c.k. tangs. 8h/day. mon to fri. monthly salary: $800.
2nd, childcare centre eng + maths tcher. 10 h/day. mon to fri. 7h on sat. monthly salary: $900.


diff btwn daycare n childcare:
daycare: p1 to p6. daily schedule focuses more on eng, chi, maths, sci and classroom stuff. required to be fierce. more on teaching.
childcare: n1 to k2. daily schedule includes other things like art and craft, music lessons and game sessions. required to be firm instd of fierce. more on learning through playing.


im yearning for ben & jerry's chocolate ice-cream with brownies. haha tt's like so random. XD bye for now!!

hi all. i've quit mi job. it just aint suitable for me. i went over ytd, it being mi first dae of work. and u noe what? the senior teacher of tt daycare centre was like, a monster?! i would definitely think this way if i were one of the kids. she was like, scolding, nagging, yelling at them and.. bawling them out? for reasons like lingering on the pathway between the classrooms.


she said this, "children have no limits, u have to be fierce, otherwise, they dont obey." but i cant. :( i cant bring miself to scold them. u noe what? ALL the teachers could do it. :( on the other hand, mi heart wld just melt at the look of those innocent faces. i tried to be firm instead of fierce, but the effect cldnt last. :( they listened, but in a few seconds, they make a din. perhaps im not trained, tt's why i dont know the actual way of handling them. the senior tcher told me tt i shd nv be frens with them. otherwise they will nv listen to me. tt's why i had to quit.


when i first arrived there, the senior teacher brot me to look ard the place and briefly illustrated the schedules for the day. i was so horrified alrite. and the reason is that, she could scold while she was talking to me!! ok. yea. so aft she finished, i was left alone in the classroom, without being assigned anything to do. and without an introduction to the staff there at all. the teachers there were like, totally unfriendly? i was so lost. they were so engrossed in chatting happily among themselves tt it seems like i didnt exist. so in the end, i approached a friendlier looking teacher and she told me their responsibilies. and it was then i got a little idea of what the heck they were doing.


yea. and there was this realli sweet little boy (whom i think is only a p2 kid) who came up to me and asked for mi name, aft which he told me he was called jun xuan. he had this lovely smile and unique, hoarse voice. i wld realli love to bring him back home! but.. obviously i cldnt. haha. and this little cutie pie, an indian p1 kid i suppose, was running up towards one of the teachers, with an exercise book in his hands, containing chinese characters which he wrote! he smiled shyly at me and ran away! how i wld love to embrace him in mi arms if i was allowed to do so! i saw a handsome little kid called junliang too. haha. and mani other handsome n pretty little angels.


during mi p3 sci lesson, there was this adorable boy called bi zhuan, (who is a brat, according to the teachers there, but i beg to differ. he is lovely!!) asked me why the ans to the ques "what are the similarities between these 2 life cycles" is not "they are both living things". i knew it was unacceptable because the ques requires u describe with respect to the life cycles and not the living things which these life cycles belonged to. but he just cldnt accept what i told him. :( and it was chaos alrite. they were like yelling and screaming, "teacher, he put his smelly legs on mi chair!", "teacher, he said im fat", "teacher, he is very dirty, he picks his nose!", "teacher he threw mi eraser!", teacher this and teacher that. i couldnt continue mi lesson at all!! and their ex teacher came in and was at a shock to why i taught so slow. :(


:( they were so sweet. but i had to quit. currently looking for another job now. working as part-time promoter at cold storage at bugis junction this wkend. IM SELLING TOBLERONE! :D haha at least i haf experience in this. :D

http://www.imagestation.com/album/pictures.html?id=2089498211

:D i found a job! as a teacher at a daycare centre at jurong west. and the best thing is tt, im gonna work with kids! X) but the pay is low. 600 per mth. 1pm to 7pm on wkdaes and morning shift on alternate saturdays, which im uncertain of the duration. but yay! i can start work tmr! woohoo! hopefully the pay will be increased when they extend the working hours to full time. and tt the cpf thing will be omitted, so i wont need to buy medishield and all that. :) im so eager to start work! X)

hi guys! :D i haf officially withdrawn from pjc on the 20th of july 2007. WOOOOTS! i feel such a sense of relieve!! :) im gonna blog so much abt mi last day in sch.


i had a whale of a time in sch! it was the 1st time i felt so exhilarated and carefree in pj. the feeling was like.. im BREAKING FREE! and i brot mi cam to sch. u noe.. a camera is always so essential on ur last dae of sch. and i took tonnes of fotos with mi classmates n mani other pj-ians!! coincidentally, we had a fototaking session todae during CT. :) i swear i looked HORRENDOUS!! oh dear dear dear. but it was still a moment tt wld be deeply etched in mi mind-- the 1st time i felt the class spirit. :) im so glad.


and the lucky thing is that, i met mani frens whom i knew, so i could onli tell them tt i was withdrawing frm pj on tt dae. as expected, most of them were like.. astounded. mingwei was like "WHY?!" haha. nv seen him so shocked before. i still rmb he was the one who refused to cut his hair back at MI and mr ser had to escort him out of the sch. haha at least i managed to tell mani of them. aww they ALL wished me the best for mi future. THANKS!! it was the sweetest thing of the dae. :)


but i saw a tinge of sadness linger within mani of mi frens. :( i promise i will stay in touch with u guys okae? *HUGS* n i will be back on open house. :) just to see u guys!! this time round, i felt mi significance in other's lives. i was touched. and thanks nana for ur lovely letter. :) it was very sweet of u. i will nv forget how we endured through those tough bball trainings. and how we were mesmerised by z****o and l***y and.. and.. those times when we were so troubled over our academic issues. i will still be ard for u if u need a pair of listening ears alrite? :) dont feel sad anymore!! i will gif u mi utmost support in watever decisions u make alrite? i made joanne cry too. :( i felt bad but touched at the same time. it's like i do hold significance in someone else's life aft all. i was touched at how all mi frens told me they wld miss me as well. do take care, all mi dear frens!


haha and mi last meal in pj was prawn noodles! it was one of the few acceptable kinda food i ate at pj. haha i noe i noe. i haf fussy tastebuds. i actualli haf been patronising onli the chicken rice and the noodle stalls all the while. i will miss the hotdog n potato with chicken frm the cafe too! n i think i will nv be able to buy chin chow tt onli costs 30 cents ever in mi life agn! haha.


i will not be able to go to sch earli in the morning with mi dearest shiwan anymore. :( but we still must must must keep in touch okae! and u must miss me!X) i miss gg out with u. tt includes our spca trips! i can feel the urge boobling (uh watever word is tt. haha) in me! plus all the long chats on the fone. take care n all the best alrite! to huibin, xinyi, chuanfa and the rest, promise me we'll go kbox tgt okae? :)


to ah jiang, i'll alwaes rmb u as mi "the one"! haha i will make u do that "the one" game rongyi taught us agn! and i'll definitely miss all ur crap! must miss me okae? next time u see me on the streets, u MUST squeal excitedly and shout "ahwee" okae? take care!


haha i was like astonished too when the fren of frens of mine wished me the best and actualli knew who i was. he was like saying, "u are gg to poly rite?" when i was speaking to two of our common frens. and the thing is, he came to know abt it through another fren of mine whom i onli told the news to, on tt dae. i didnt noe they knew each other! haha the world is simply small. and i received mani mani mani msgs of blessings frm mi frens. thanks!! i feel so appreciated. :D


to all who were there for me during those tough times, i would realli like to say a big THANKS. i will definitely make mi decision a right one. and thanks to those who supported me in mi decision. :) i will prove those who disappoved of this decision, wrong. :) i cant wait to start sch next year! hopefully, the nxt batch of O graduates n i will be given the same priority in the selection of courses.


so in the mean time, i shall go look for a job, make miself useful and occupied. and gain a sense of fulfilment. :) ngweeleng! u haf to buck up on ur english!! newsweek + storybooks + newspaper!! READ!! and perhaps i can indulge in some little enjoyments during this period of time as well. haha. like working hard to turn FAIR? hahaha.. :) take care guys! :)


oh n happie burfdae jackson. :)

HEY GUYS! i just chatted on the fone with yujie who is in army right now. oh man. i felt so goot. =D it's been so long since i've talked to mi old frens frm bp. i miss them sooooo much! yup. i told him mani things, including mi situation and he advised me to follow mi decision to quit sch now and enroll into mi desired course next year, since im realli determined to get into a course that i want and i do haf back-up plans (that is to take up business related courses) too if lets say (touchwood) i cant get into that one. Furthermore, i feel that it's seriously a wrong decision to haf chosen science stream in jc and since i dislike the subjects that im studying right now, who knows what will be ahead of me in poly that i will gain, and that cannot be found in jc? he thinks that i can at least work now and earn money for mi sch fees and expenses next year. well, that's what i thot so too. it's pointless to stay on, feeling stressed evrydae, struggling with subjects that i haf weak foundation in, wasting each dae away without a motivation n aim to study hard, and continuing with jc life which i feel is totalli not suitable for me. why not be more decisive and do what i want? THANKS A LOT YUJIE. he realli cheered me up a lot. =)


thanks sijia for ur advice too. =) im realli glad to haf frens like you by mi side.

i realli hope to throw away mi past and start anew as a person who has a meaning in life. i guess yanru is right. if im realli determined to transfer into poly, i should follow mi decision, quit sch and work for the nxt few mths for mi sch fees and laptop nxt yr. i realli hate mi current subjects alrite. which is maths, phy, chem, gsc. plus gp n pw. they totalli sark. oh except for maths. i still love maths. dont u think it'll be useless even if i pass mi promos and then stay in a sch which i dread gg to, and cont to go through so much torment, still unable to concentrate on subjects which i hate and wont be using even if i get into uni? why not pursue mi interest through an alternative instead? i may get into uni as well! tt is if i work real hard which im determined to, as long as i get to study things i love. im gg for counselling with justina nxt week i guess.


oh n sorrie shiwan i jus saw what u tagged ytd! but i still haf second thots abt whether to cont mugging hard for promos or not. i'll tell u abt it aft the counselling session okie? =)

thanks evryone. realli do appreaciate ur encouragement. but it's the certain closeness in a friendship tt i miss. times when i can be who i am in front of ppl, instead of hafing to put on an act just for the sake of accommodating to the others because i haf no other choice. that's what im doing right now. i wanna move on with life too. i dont wanna get stuck in the past either. but i hate being somebody else who is entirely different from the person whom i used to be.


and human beings are simply so unpredictable. u wont noe what's on ppl's minds unless they tell u so. sometimes i realli wish i could see through their minds.


pj constitutes misery. LIFE'S SO SCREWED UP.

im suddenly so in love with HELLO PANDA! =D

CURRENT FOOD INDULGENCE:
spicy seaweed frm tao kae noi :D
snickers n mars bars, X)
marshmallows,
HELLO PANDA!
snow flakes frm nestle,
egg ball cakes frm wangwang,
grape flavoured gummies,
strawberry flavoured halls,
longan red dates tea,
VITASOY! =D
bananas:)

i miss talking to u nana! it's been aeon since i last saw her. =(

problematic.
u are all abt sadness, confusion, unhappiness.
even u are frustrated with urself.
shihui- "give urself one more chance."

happened to come across perlin's blog. n i saw what she wrote abt valencia's entry,


"its really nice to meet ppl you know while on you way to the next lecture, or to canteen during breaks or simply anywhere. it just makes you feel like you are actually rmb and a friend of theirs. and the school transforms into such a homely place suddenly. knowing that you are part of it and ppl do want you to be part of it." val 4 jul


but y dont i feel homely towards pj by a single bit? i feel so dead n dynamic-less. i haf totally no sense of belonging to it. neither do i feel attached to s16, unlike a certain bond i feel shared with 4p1 back at bp. nor do i look forward to going to sch ervydae, spending time with mi new frens, unlike those daes back at MI, with s13. i hear mani old frens telling me how closely they haf bonded with their new classmates, engaging in mani activities tgt. yet, i feel like im still stuck in the past, i dont seem to move on.


i saw carol todae, she was the 1st fren i made at MI during PAE. and when i saw her, she was at the canteen with her clique. those boisterous laughters and bright smiles on her face, are what's missing in me. and i kinda feel sad cos i felt so distant frm her. she alwaes seems to rush off in a hurry whenever i met her in pj. i miss tt carol who will used to share with shihui n i her little secrets, gossip with, about bimbos at MI, discuss little things, about our eyecandies, and mani other fun things the 3 of us did tgt.


im so envious of the riversidians in s16 for the closeness they share. they are so lucky to haf came into the same class. i feel tt i've became a pathetic loner. although i've made frens, they are just like any hi-bye fren to me. i need some comfortable somebodies to be with, when i can see the real me. frens whom i can be close with, and experience simple happiness for just the way we are.


"i feel so much like a walking zombie. emotionless inside."-perlin


no offence, but the feeling i get whenever im with s16 is simply.. different? i dont feel any bond as a class. we are like so scattered. although they really are nice ppl, i find i just cant clique well enough with them. i can no longer see the real me. i feel like i dont belong to aniwhere. i seem to get over each dae with emptiness in mi heart.


i feel so detached frm the world. in addition to mi academic disaster, i seem to be letting evrydae pass by meaninglessly. i feel tt im like wasting mi daes all away as well, without a motivation or reason to work hard.


i havent been smiling from the bottom of mi heart for so long. i miss hafing the ecstatic feeling of laughing out loudly with mi frens like there's no one else. i miss talking loudly without restriction. i miss being retarded with the clique. i miss talking rubbish n crap n nonsensical things to the clique n luffing at evry single thing. i miss counting the no. of luffing red tomatoes. i miss singing loudly evrydae with the girls to wherever we go. i miss the hugs they gave me whenever i needed them. i miss the way i used to boast abt mi eye candies n how the girls helped to notice them for me all the time. i miss hanging around at our fav playgrd the guys brot us to n chatting while resting on the monkey bar. i miss the sharing of juicy gossips with the girls. i miss the way we shared chocs n candies during boring lectures. i miss the silly things we do during lectures, like stealing the labels on the tables n creating the vibration to our butts by moving the adjustable table ard, and secretly passing chocs ard. i miss camwhoring. i miss tt certain closeness in a frenship. i miss being happie. I miss the feeling of hafing fun. i miss being mi old self.


yet, smth tells me tt i shd stop feeling nostalgic. face wads ahead of me now. the happiness may just come back anitime. stop dwelling over the past, life has to move on anyway.



where the flame of friendship ignites.

i miss schlife in BP badly. i feel so close to the entire cohort even though i dont realli directly know some of the ppl. i step into the sch gate evrydae with a feeling tt sch is realli a second home to me. i miss guiding daes. i miss overnight camps in creeply old bp. mud games, water games, hike, treasure hunts, loud cheers, bathing tgt in one cubicle, waking up at 6 oclock n hafing PT, screaming n shouting in unison, mi fav supper--hot milo n sugar coated biscuits, squeezing tgt in our patrols on one table, staring at gadgets we put lotsa efforts in making. i miss singing with and telling secrets to shiwan in our tents pitched in the field when we cldnt slp at night. i miss outdoor cooking. the smell of burnt dried leaves, feeding of food to one another, cleaning black mess tins, walking ard like a greedy pig, asking for food frm other patrols, the closeness n fun we shared. i miss campfires. i miss the enthusiasm evryone shows during evry campfire. i miss dancing under the moonlight during evry campfire, even though i look horrendous. i miss strolling along aimlessly in sch at night with mi frens, and the breeze blowing towards our faces as we chat. i miss mi cabin classroom. i miss evryone from 4p1. i miss getting involved.

still so lost.

hi all. i had a nightmare abt it. i dreamt tt one gal refused to talk to me. i think this is gonna haunt me for long. i wasnt as relieved as expected aft telling them the truth. i had a mixture of a sense of guilt and helplessness. hmm, perhaps it'll just take some time for me to overcome it.

oh n i saw a dead toad along a pavement todae. the way it died was simply so saddening. its mouth was opened. its eyes were so dead but opened too, like as if they were staring into the sky, yearning for more food over the next few years. the most horrifying thing is that it was flat. its colour looked mouldy-ish and one of its hind legs were broken cos it seemed twsited. poor little thing.

oh n smth's so freaky! the msg tt jamie sent me this morning kept on mixing up with 3 of mi other msgs for no reason!
jamie- "hey. You gt xtra sch tee shirt to lend me for pe? Can lend me cos mine in washing machine (somewhat liddat)

tt "can lend me..." part was mixed up with mi sis' msg, "...personally stand beside him.. He taller than me by a strand of hair.", nana's msg, "...I'll miss you during bb trng!" and junliang's msg, "...drink more water when u all reach home to prevent dehydration". the 1st time i saw, was when it was mixed up with junliang's msg. i was wondering why was jamie mentioning abt dehydration when she merely wanted to borrow a shirt frm me? haha..

"I'll Stand By You"- Pretenders

Oh why you look so sad
The tears are in your eyes
Come on and come to me now
Don't be ashamed to cry
Let me see you through
Cause I've seen the dark side too

When the night falls on you
You don't know what to do
Nothing you confess
Could make me love you less

I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you

So if you're mad get mad
Don't hold it all inside
Come on and talk to me now
Hey, what you got to hide
I get angry too
Well I'm a lot like you

When you're standing at the crossroads
And don't know which path to choose
Let me come along
Cause even if you're wrong

I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
Take me in into your darkest hour
And I'll never desert you
I'll stand by you

And when, when the night falls on you, baby
You feeling all alone
You won't be on your own

I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
Take me in into you darkest hour
And I'll never desert you
I'll stand by you

Oh I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you

h2s:
maths-B
chem-U
phy-S


what do u get? oh. BUS! wow. brilliant. hah.


h1s:
gp- not known yet
gsc-E



expected.
demoralised.
i know this shdnt be the way.
but agn mi focus starts to sway.
y is mi life so screwed up?
evrything's in complete mess.
term 3's gonna be hectic.
term 4, it will be.
how am i gonna survive?
will somebody pls help me?
i dislike phy n gp,
n gsc jus slightly.
i hate chemistry.
it was all a moment of folly.
i dont wanna cont,
but i haf zero choice.
i feel like quitting sch,
will someone tell me what to do?


be clear of what u want,
this keeps repeating in mi head.
ms k, mi sis.
evryone's talking abt it.
but science is not what i want!
so lost n confused.
how do i cont?

u spoke to him,
u told him the truth.
it's been 4 mths.
yet,
the passion doesnt exist.
u saw his pretendance,
in within lies disappointment.
tt feeling.
u felt guilt-stricken.
u felt sorry.
u felt helpless.
it was so cruel,
bud u had to go.
he didnt hate u,
he let u go.
he even bothered to ask,
abt ur plans if u go.
thanks,
for all those concern.
thanks,
for understanding.
thanks,
and i do mean it.

didnt attend sch todae cos had a bad tummyache in the morning. bud nt sure if it's tummy. it's at the bottom left side. below mi stomach.
oh shucks. missed 2 lectures todae. so mani things to catch up with. ): ): ):
n thx a lot guys. feel so touched to see all those concern. im feeling sooo much betta! (: (: (:
hmm. i plucked up ALLL mi courage, wrote a letter, hoping tt evrything will turn out fine. i dont wan the 2 yrs of frenship to be ruined. i hope he'll understand. praying so hard tt i wont back out.
hmm. be clear of what u want. then fight for it. of course in a calm n composed manner.
realised tt the thing i ever wanted academically? is to study PSYCHOLOGY.
mi interest. to be able to understand the wonders of human mind, to know why people react in certain ways and the proper ways of dealing with emotions n problems.
so wads the use of studying physics and chemistry? oh shucks. im becoming fickleminded agn.


mi future lies in mi hands.

speak to him,
tell him the truth.
it's been 4 mths.
yet,
the passion doesnt exist.

u tot u were helping a fren.
guess wad?
it turned out to be the opp.
u dont want to continue,
to see his stressed up face anm.
u dont want to feel the guilt.
u jus dont haf the passion.
u jus haf zero feelings for it.
tell me the use of staying.

if only u had passion,
the flair wld perhaps show.
if only u had flair,
the passion wld definitely grow.

no passion,
no flair.
u dont even haf a goal.
tell me the point of staying.

u dont want him to hate u.
bud u shdnt escape anm.
face him.
face the consequences.


but it takes so much courage.









i just cant commit.

m e a n i n g f u l . s w e e t .

Life is only travelled once.
Today's moment becomes tomorrow's memory.
Enjoy every moment, good or bad.
Because the gift of life, is life itself.

sweet.

No word is as beautiful as friend.
And no friend is as wonderful as you.
A friend is sweet when it's new.
It's sweeter when it's true.
And sweetest when it's you.

stranded.

hi peeps. felt damn hurt ytd nite. are we nth bud vermins to u? or issit true tt u wld be happier if we nv existed? all these years, i haf heard all kinds of critisms u haf abt me. wad abt praises? words of affirmation?


it was 2 oclock. n i was studying a new piano score which i suddenly had interest in. i was so determined to complete writing dwn the notes in letters ytd since i had to do tt in order to learn how to play it on mi keyboard. bud mi mom woke up n approached mi study room n carped, "y are u nt aslp yet? so u think it's gd to stay up late n burn midnight's oil? let me tell u tt it is utterly useless. stop pretending to be hardwrking cos i noe ure nt." so i said, "alrite. im gg to slp soon." at this instant, she saw me holding up one of mi piano score sheets. within a sec, she was exclaiming, "wad is this?! whoa! to think i tot u were being hardworking. so u were onli wasting time on this stupid score n sacrificing ur slp? wow. so this is our future musician? stop wasting ur time n go to slp i tell u. do u noe tt u are indirectly harming me as well? i wake up now n i'll nt fall aslp till nxt morning. pls. i still haf to work tmr ok." thankyou. such a wonderful compliment.


i noe u are doing this for mi own goot. bud can u spare a tot for mi feelings? can u at least sound more courteous? is hafing a passion considered a crime? do i deserve such harsh critisms? y is self-centredness ruling u? all u eva mention is abt u, u and U. am i realli so fractious?


pls watch ur wrds.


when she discovered she had lost the argument to mi sis, she decided to vent her anger on me. wow wad a fabulous way of dealing ur anger. when i walked out of mi studyroom to the kitchen toilet to brush mi teeth, she held me by mi arm n yelled, "wad are u doing at this hour?" didnt she alrdi knew wad i was doing? didnt she rmb 'praising' me for becoming a future musician? so i said, "didnt u see it urself jus now?" and without saying a word, she slapped mi arms twice. i didnt wanna speak further. i walked away.


in the toilet, i tried hard to face the ceiling. i didnt wan a single drop of tear to fall. cos i noe i gotta be strong. be brave. like wad sijia has said, big girls dun cry. it was a wonder mi tears still flowed down mi cheeks like a river. i tot i shdve long ago been numb. she's been saying such hurtful things since i was like in primary sch? ha.


she says mi sis n i haf been creating troubles for her. she says we are her burden. she says we wan her to die as soon as possible. when did we eva say tt? we didnt even haf tt intention! she says she hopes to die and end her misery. she says if she had known tt her daughters wld turn out to be so useless n problematic, she wld nv haf married. so does it mean tt if we were to disappear frm this world, u will be happier? do u realli think u are the onli one who is suffering? haf u eva tot of our feelings? to face all these harsh n hurting words u ramble into our ears all the time? n i haf nv eva wanted u to die alrite.


sometimes, i realli hope to escape frm this tiresome world. i am exhausted. i wan to run away to a faraway place where there are zilch troubles. akunama tata. (issit the way u spell it?) howeva, i haf owaes yet tried to bring miself back to reality, be more optimistic n to alwaes hang a smile on mi face. perhaps i wld feel happier. :)


hah let papaya be mi role model.

=)

it's been 4 daes since i last blogged. haha. bud there were so mani things tt happened! haha i shall keep them short then.


wed:
went out shopping at vivo with dear nana! :D i bot a pair of pretty heels for 21.90! :D n a sleeveless top frm topshop. whereas nana bot a mini skirt n a plain white top frm mango, n the same top frm topshop! haha bud diff colour. :D yay shopping with nana is FUN! we had a whale of a time! haha.. oh n we met yvonne n shiwan. nana thinks shiwan is prettie. i think so too. :D
thurs:
wenta sch for this boring PW workshop. tt lecturer was spastic. haha n he cracked jokes which we didnt think were farnie. -_- haha n i spent half of mi dae in sch jus for this BORING wrkshop. haha n aft e wrkshop, dear shiwan n i wenta KBOX! haha the food was delicious. breaded fish set. haha tt kbox guy was hilarious! he mispronounced breaded fish as bedded fish!!! HAHA! oh well, n we sang. shiwan n i simply enjoy singing!

fri:
was supposed to haf mi dear 4p1 class steamboat at marina south. bud i got so broke n initialli had to go out with mi family at nite. so i cldnt make it. SAD. i miss all of them so much. mi lovely squareballs. bud in the end smth cropped up and the family outing was cancelled. n jackson happened to ask if i were to free to go out. so i said ok. and asked jianqin along. and in the end, he wasnt free. so i ended up spending mi dae watching eight below with jianqin at hm. old jack n dewey died. :(

nana n i

haha the only decent foto we took!

MISS THEM LOADS.

j o n ' s b d a e ! ( f o t o s s t o l e n f r o m a h j i a n g ' s b l o g h e h )

WOOHOO

WOOHOO i sat for mi last paper todae! aw. bud i din manage to complete the summary part. ): hope part 1 will be able to help pull mi marks. *prays hard*


oh i had mi hair layered ytd. *sniffs* bud it was too layered! i feel so light. n there are lots of rough n new grown hair sticking all over now. YUCKS. the hairdresser even layered mi FRINGE! mi precious fringe. :(:(:( i miss mi thick, straight, long n smooth hair. :(


anw, met ah jiang aft mi paper todae at lot 1 to haf lunch tgt n buy jonathan's present. it's been aeon since i ate mi so-eva-usual combo 1 frm long john. haha. and it tasted GREAAATT. :D throughout our entire lunch, ah jiang n i were like crapping abt tall ppl n tata sauce n ppl whose surname is lee n who's ah bao n the person whom ah bao killed n chicken crisps flying all over our table n oddballs n the list is nv ending. haha i simply love ah jiang n her crap. haha i wun eva feel bored with her presence. haha! so aft our lunch, we wenta NTUC to buy the tidbits tt jon loves. haha and we ended up looking at food tt we like. haha! we went ard commenting on this and tt brand of chocs n candies. haha oh n initialli we wanted to buy 4 different flavoured hello panda for jon. haha bud we gave 3 of them up since there were too much food. we were concerned abt jon turning fat u see. hahaha.. so we bot hershey kissables which he so loves, yupie gummie bears, san zha biscuit, 2 bars of werther's orig (since it was at an offer of 2 for $1.60! oops. X)) haha, wang zai xiao man tou. it's called baby egg ball cakes or smth liddat. HAHA! oh n erm strawberry flavoured hello panda as well as DARS choc! so to reward ourselves for knowing so well wad jon likes, we bot ourselves JELLY BEANS! i took the grape one n ah jiang took the mixed berries. :):):)haha n we spent so much time wrapping all these up. :) it looked nice bud somehow kinda retarded. X)


so we went over to his void deck n passed him his SOOOO belated bdae present. haha n he said "oh! food i wan!" hhaha tsk tsk. jon and his foody foody face. haha! n we took fotos tgt with him n his present! haha n a video which i accidentally took by mistake. haha jon was like unwrapping the entire thing so carefully tt i feel all our efforts were so appreciated. :) haha the 9 holes look realli retarded trust me. haha bud im so sure jon wun mind. ahha!


n yay im gg out tmr with darling NANA!! :) OKIES. gonna finish up all mi jianbaos n she luns. bye for now! tataaaaa!


SO CRAVING FOR KBOX! kbox anione? :D

stagnant blog.

haha mi blog has once agn became stagnant. aniwaes.. haf been kinda busy these few daes, studying for mi MYE. phew. left with 2 more papers --> MATHS n GSC. im so gonna flunk mi chem n phy lar. SOOOOO tough. n i din haf adequate time to complete the questions. :( haha i can onli aim for a pass now. tmr will be maths paper. N I WAN AN A! sigh. hope i can do betta in maths n get mi A.


todae, huibin n i had lunch tgt at the coffee shop near our sch. and she was being farnie. she said guys are afraid of consuming MSG becos they need more hair to be MACHO. HAHA! cos by eating msg, they drop their hair! HAHAHA n becos chris happened to be at e coffee shop too, i suddenly rmbed tt he doesnt drink soup with MSG. HAHA n i was like thinking.. ohh! so tt's his intention. (to prevent hairloss, n to STAY MACHO WITH MORE HAIR!) haha n he was like saying bye so innocently to me at tt instant while those evil thots were running in mi mind lar! :X haha oh n huibin even said tt the fly which stopped at her bowl of chicken rice soup bud was kinda like examining the soup, was A MALE. hahaha she said it's proven to be true n tried hard to convince me. haha.. oh n the fishball noodles there is jus pure.. eh. YUCKS? i took like perhaps more than 1 h to finish it. tsk tsk.


oh gosh. i think i needa return to mi maths now. ALL THE BEST NGWEELENG! :D

:(((

hi evryone. went to attend S13 cls outing ytd. as in MI S13. i love mi clsmates. all of them. n i miss those who din come. bud oh well.. it was slightly boring cos aft gg to ajisen to eat, we had zero idea of where ta go. so we walked ard the place outside PS. haha n onli 9 peeps turned up. haha.. CLASS outing. there were rongyi, darian, arthur, regina, yuxiang, yongann, bryan, jianqin n i. bud im nt blaming the rest lar. they were busy and cldnt make it. anw evryone's schedule is super duper diff now. it's hard to organise an outing too. A THOUSAND THANKS TO MENGJINN N YONGANN. :) somehow, i felt diff ytd. i sorta feel tt im no longer tt happie, talkative old weeleng back at MI. :( i felt weird.


wenta study agn at woodlands reg lib agn todae. met kianhong. n mi entire dae was boring. im gg for phy consultatn tmr. bud i haf nt found any ques to ask yet. IM GONNA BE DEAD MEAT. n the chem mock exam is on thurs. i haf 3 more chpts to cover. mi hair is falling off. mi eye bags are getting heavier. mi eyes are drooping. i gotta use toothpicks to support mi eyes. *sigh* jus dun feel goot todae.

yea yea

yeayea. was trying out the uploading of fotos onto mi blog. bud the title is still missing. =( went outta study with wan at woodlands reg lib agn. :) and we made 2 new frens whom we din ask of their name. haha how silly of us. haha one gal is frm pj (OUR SCH!) and she's frm o7s21 and she's like damn hardwrking. she's fun n cute too. haha. we became frens simply becos we were like luffing at the silliest things on earth such as loud burps. haha. she's nice. and her fren is frm MI! e nicest sch ive ever gone to.


and i met junliang todae. it so coincidental. it was raining cats n dogs then haha so shiwan n i were like running across the road when the green man flashed. and we were running like mad women can u believe it? aha and desperately trying to reach under the shelter as fast as we cld. and i heard smone calling mi name. i turned n saw junliang. he was with halim and they were like under the shelter? haa so silly of me n shiwan to be running to the inside of the building when there was alrdi shelter perhaps 2 steps away frm us. haha. oh n sorrie brother i did not haf enuff cash to help u out in the hearts foundation thingy. n it was at tt instant when i received a call frm shengyu tt said he saw me. :) haha BUT the thing is, he actualli saw shiwan n i run across the road. it's like OMG. :x it was utterly disgraceful. mi img of such a refined young lady, is GONE! (yea rite refined like real haha) and it was like so coincidental? he was in his father's car which was right beside me while i was crossing the road!! haa i kinda miss his magic tricks and all those lame jokes. i still miss 4p1.


aniwaes, shiwan, it was great studying with u todae. :)


looking forward to the outing tmr. :D:D:D

testing

(wad shd i type in here?)

WOOTS! i love marshmallows! :D:D i simply love the way they dissolve in mi mouth. aww.. slurrrrps! haha. went to woodlands reg lib to study agn todae. with nana wanwan n perlin. phew. we were concentrating betta todae. :D haha. bud ive still barely covered mi revision yet. tsk tsk. how can this happen to u NGWEELENG? haha. yea we were like popping marshmallows into our mouths all the while. HAHAHA! YIPPEEE! and shiwan noticed this guy's colourful boxers while our heads were all buried in the notes we ve got. haha. she's farnie. and perlin said im a failure cos i din noe wad was shi san dian. ): ): perhaps mi chinese is deteriorating. sad. ): must read more. yups so basically mi entire dae was like spent in the lib. i sorta realise tt im becoming lifeless. im becoming a nerd! :8( N-E-R-D! NERD. :( *sighs* mi msgs haf exceed agn. daddie's gonna kill me. :x


anw, i saw zhongshun at the bbq pit at mi hs dwnstairs todae. I MISS BP. ): he was hafing this class bbq with his pr sch frens. haha n one of them happened to be mi MI schmate, who was mi fren's fren. haha n she was trying to whisper, "MI fren!" to e guy beside her n i think she din noe she sounded kinda loud? haha. and another one of zhongshun's frens happens to be mi neighbour who lives upstairs. haha. he looked kinda appalled? haha when he saw me call out to zhongshun. haha


and yay! i made smth which i think is nice for jonathan. it's his bdae present! :D aww how sweet can jon's fren--> ngweeleng, be?. hahaha. and there's an MI class outing on MONDAE! bud i dun wanna watch the ocean's 13 or wadeva ocean. i wanna go cycling with them at ecp. ): aiyah bud all for mi beloved frens' sake, i will go.. bud perhaps onli for the dinner. cant wait to see them. ah jiang, xiang xiang, kahmun, ah rong, jiajia, jackson, jonathan, papaya, darian, angeline, regina, arthur, samantha, nicole, mengjinn, bryan, yong seng, sai chuen, wenjie, nicholas, edwin XD, anyuan, mr ser? n i wnder if they told yunti n haining. n christian n jing long n jevon? n shaolong?! he seems to be missing. haha n jace? haaa.. wadeva. i miss the entire s13.


and sad to sae, i realised tt mani old frens of mine haf changed. i seem to think tt they are no longer those same old ppl whom i used to noe. bud yet.. i agree with shiwan. those things are natural. they are not under mi control. people DO change. and the factors can be anithing. stress? peer influence? their new studying environment? evrything. it's not tt i dislike their changes. nor will i or can i expect them to change back to how they used to be like in the past. i jus kinda miss the old them. perhaps i miself haf changed unknowingly too. bud evrytime i look at the fotos tt i took with them, grp fotos or wadeva, i will kinda reminisce the past agn. ): *sighs*


i wanna go shopping! buy more tank tops!! im deprived of CLOTHES. n i need shoes too. hmms anw i haf no time for tt. siannnn. me = LIFELESS freak. ):

BYE FOR NOW! gonna watch mi fav show! --> ge shi zhui xiong. :D:D

:)

:) woohoo. im feeling great. jus read e entiries i posted 3 yrs ago. haha and it's like super hilarious can? haa i cant believe i was actualli so childish. XD


anw. i ve sorted things out. i was like brooding over the jc-poly thing for the whole of yesterdae. n aft blogging, i ve come to a decision to continue n to work hard. and to continue, i gotta find back mi focus. i gotta make the fighting spirit come back to me, since i am onli left with 1 choice and tt is to stay. i guess it was a piece of goot news though, to noe tt there was no intake for the nxt poly sem n tt mi parents din allow me to drop out n find a job. maybe they're right. it'll be kinda tough to look for a job right now. n it made me left with onli 1 choice -- to stay. even if im considering poly, this shdnt b the right time. so rather than to lose focus and think abt poly all dae long n spending mi life pointlessly till the end of the yr, i wld RATHER RATHER work hard. right? :) yea. i wldnt wanna retain nor wld i wanna be a kickout. so y not consider the good or maybe better things that it wld bring me if i were to stay in jc? perhaps there're more to gain? :) so.. from now on.. im gonna fight like a champion. fight fight. go like a champion. go go. haaaa anti -climax. and yea back to mi pt. i gotta fight like how i used to do so when i was in sec 4. :) ALL THE BEST TO U NGWEELENG! :D


went to woodlands reg lib todae to study. :) :) :) and i met lotsa frens!! :D 1st, kenneth frm mi current class. 2nd, annabel bel and huiyu, basketballies. 3rd, syazanna n weiting. old frens :) 4th, JUSTIN! mi senior. we chatted for a while, toking abt his n mi sch, me behaving like an auntie n also e ntuc ppl discussing whether or not to gif a boy a recyling bag when he onli bot a can drink. hahaha then we bade goodbye. ): haa oh n he was still using tt same old speechline he used 2 yrs ago! haha and i realised he grew fatter. his face was like round n chubby? HAHAHA. bud i still miss him laa. i miss guiding daes. miss outdoor cooking. miss g5 camps. miss campfires. n i miss the old campus. ): i miss 4p1 and bp. ): and lastly i met PERLIN! mi full-of-crap sitting partner last year. ohh how i miss her. miss all her crap n singing sessions. n she told me smth abt mao mao! disgusting old mao mao. haa XD bud i still miss him too. ): haha felt so nostalgic when i saw those old frens. felt so homely. like as though we are all back at our comfy old bp. :) oh yes nana n i saw this pj guy whom im sure is frm pj cos i ve seen him in sch before! im so sure he was an ogl of myre! he was with his gf. haha n i dunno if i am right bud i noticed he kept staring at nana n i. apparently, he was trying to recall where he'd seen us before. HAHA he looked farnie. haa.


anw, mi eyes are drooping. gonna slp nw! TATA~ gonna work harder tmr! :D:D:D:D:D:D



so motivated.



and it was nice chatting with u nana :D WE LOVE TJ :D

so screwed up.

oh. finalli finished all the touchups for mi stagnant blog. and hmms yea i like the skin. it's nice :) spent so much time editing the font size and all.


AND HEY. it's 5th june. and im like left with less than 2 wks to finish up mi revision? im like so dead.


went to study with mi dear nana ytd morning. she's great. i simply love her. <3 i feel as though i've known her ages ago. and she's so chat-table. i can tok to her abt anithing under the sun (: *loves* yeaaps and perhaps under the moon as well.. haa lame shit laaa.


and yep actualli our main purpose was.. to go to NP tgt aft tt. so.. carrying with us such a teeny weeny glimpse of hope tt they wld haf another intake during the nxt sem, we went there at ard 3 plus to meet dear shihui who is alrdi an np student and will onli be dismissed at 4. wad to do? we feel so lost in pj and are beginning to feel tt poly wld seriously suit us much betta since we can be focused and STUDY WAD WE WANT. i can imagine the same old reaction tt i hate to see if u guys were to read this part of mi entry. *sighs* haf been like so damn stressed up these few wks thinking abt wad is the best for me. im in such a dilemma. i dunno. im starting to hate all mi subjects now esp CHEMISTRY n pw. and im even losing interests in the sub i used to haf such strong passion for --maths. i dunno wad the hell is wrong with me. im like becoming less focused while studying. i am not able to catch up with the teaching pace n needless to sae even be involved in the strong competition in mi class. im like so lagging behind? i understand concepts so much slower than the rest and i cant maintain consistent work. if i cont like tt, mi promos wld be affected. i wld alwaes feel so frustrated wheneva i see phy and chem tutorials and wld nv feel like touching them. i totalli hate tt feeling. it's terrible. i nv felt like tt when i was back at bp. i guess wad huibin said was right. if there werent another path to choose from which is poly, i wldnt even haf thot so much. perhaps i wld jus mug all the way through this two years since there'll be no other choice. perhaps tt was how i thot when i was in sec 4. i had to complete o lvel no matter wad. tt's y i mugged and got an 11? yes i was stressed when i was in sec 4, trying hard to catch up, score well in tests n force miself to understand betta concepts which i was half sure then. but it was a different feeling of stress. it was sorta like a feeling of competency and achievement. the feeling of stress then was kinda great? it meant tt i was trying hard. how i wish that feeling wld come back now. on the other hand, e stress tt im facing now is like killing me? wad's in mi mind now is all abt wad i want. im beginning to think tt learning phy n chem are like totalli pointless for me? and i didnt even haf the interest in the 1st place, onli choosing them due to the fact tt mani courses in UNIs req h2 phy n chem. and since mi results qualified, i made the choice of h2 maths chem phy n h1 gsc. i guess it was all a mmt of folly. i shd've followed mi passion, chosen chi studies or psychology studies or earli childhood. sad to sae, there isnt ani intake the nxt poly sem. and how issit easy for me to accept the fact tt mi parents suddenly disapprove of me dropping out and joining the next batch of o level grads in NP nxt yr, when i've jus learnt how to be more open-minded, to accept tt i will be 1 yr older then the nxt batch and tt mi frens wld haf all become mi seniors? mi sis told me to think carefully and slowly wad i wld like to achieve in the future and then make the right choice, regardless of wad the others may say.


and i actualli got so stressed up over this n broke dwn ytd nite. i was in such a confusion tt i felt helpless. i felt like i was a loser who cldnt perform antihing well at all. and how i wished mi dear shiwan cld've stayed over last nite. i needed a hug and someone to tok to so terribly last nite bud im alrdi extremely grateful to u for lending me ur listening ears last nite when u dropped by. (although mi toilet still smells of ur shit haa) and rite now im still hafing such puffy n horrendous eyes. mi apologies to u dear ahjiang. for not being able to deliver jon's bdae present to his hs todae. and to jonathan: HAPPIE BURFDAE! may all ur wishes come true and jus wanna let u noe tt u haf mani concerned frens out there who are willing to lend u their listening ears. so cheer up although i dunno wad happened and i believe tt all ur frens esp ahjiang n i wld be more than willing to lend u our helping hands wheneva u need us. we wld realli much love to see the happie n lovely old jonathan who wld owaes used to smile from the bottom of his heart. and we are gg to buy u hershey kissables! we noe u love them and hope tt they wld make u cheer u up as well. :) haha wad for im writing all these when i noe he doesnt read mi blog? haha X)


oh yes. there was this horrible beetle which landed on mi left cheek this morning while i was soundly aslp. YUCK YUCK YUCK. i wld've jumped n screamed if i werent aslp cos i wld usualli make sure i stand 3m away from beetles. haha.


anw i felt kinda great ytd when shiwan n i chatted. it is like ages we eva talked to each other liddat. n to dear shiwan: jus to let u noe. it was great to haf borrowed ur listening ears ytd. :)


i think blogging is great. it releases lotsa stress n makes me more composed. and yay we'll be hafing an o7s13 class gathering nxt mon with all mi beloved MI classmates. i miss them terribly. :(

yay (:

i revived mi stagnant blog (: