If only graciousness was worth more than time and money..

Dear diary,

Everything has actually been going on an uphill for me. No doubt there were emotional rough patches at times, but the good definitely outweighed the bad. I'm still feeling super thankful for how B has gotten out of his negativity state when he was grieving over his mom, and turned out to be super supportive and tries his best to be around for me. Not that I am unempathetic. I think I was just feeling down and conflicted because I think I do understand his pain and find that his feelings are definitely valid, but I just really needed him to pull himself together to move forward to be there for me.

Anyway, it's just that my own emotions have been a whole whirlwind. And having to cope with work stresses, the uncertainty that this life transition is gonna bring, feeling suler unprepared for the big changes that are coming, and also struggling with physical changes and limitations of my body, it just makes me so overwhelmed, scared, and frustrated. Especially having limitations like fatigue that makes me feel that my energy is beyond negative, and I just have no mood to do anything at all. It just makes me feel so frustrated. Also having to deal with super uncomfortable swollen feet and an exploding belly they weighs like a battle tank, I just can't. And I'm losing it. I can't really bend, I can't really squat nor kneel without feeling like my feet is gonna tear apart. And I feel like there's constantly a rock on my stomach, weighing me down physically and emotionally.

Don't get me wrong. I'm actually really looking forward to finally meeting baby girl, a little life that B and I actually created. It just feels so magical. But at the same time I think I just really can't be overly happy with these limitations that's causing me so much discomfort and emotional turmoil. I really don't know how. It's just immense and overwhelming. Kinda feel helpless too. Really need some comfort. But idk what could give me the most comfort right now. Maybe I just really miss the feeling of liberation.

Well, at least after crying and letting everything out here, I'm feeling much better already. And having my cats hang around me, it definitely brings an inexplicable kind of comfort.

Till then,

Me

Dear diary,

It's me again. So emotional again today. Is it really just the pregnant hormones or is it normal to feel such anxiety and surge of emotions just before the arrival of a baby?

I'm feeling so upset too, and dreading the whole thought of not having time and energy for myself and losing the intimacy and connection I have with him after bbg is born.

Today I was just feeling so emotional over the thought of us not having enough intimacy and passion already, and what scared me more was the reality check that we are left with not much time before a huge third wheel comes into our lives. Not complaining but fact check - we already have reduced privacy and space ever since his dad came to stay with us, so shouldn't we cherish those days where we have time for two of us even more?

Idk what's really up with me. Don't get me wrong. I'm very appreciative and grateful of everything that I have, that he is willing to do for me, and how much I know he cares for me. It's just that I really miss being in love with him.

Holy shit. Why am I crying so much?

Ironically, I'm feeling so thankful that bbg is accompanying me through these feelings.

Love,

Me

dear diary,

i am honestly so scared of the arrival of bbg. not just because idk what to expect for the delivery process (i have been hearing stories and it sounds like a super scary and painful process), but also if i am able to cope with the life transition. the added roles and responsibilities, the expectations, the uncertainty. the fear that i will lose my indepdence and freedom in other areas of life as i probably would just devote everything to bringing her up.

there are still so many things that i wanna do. to achieve and to experience. i hope i dont ever lose these. and i hope my sanity will be kept in check. i hope that i can stay anchored. stay grounded to my principles, my values, my motivations, my goals.

i can only take a step at a time. and always remember to love myself.

love, me.

i am so upset. And idk why i am so upset.

i mean.. i know i feel sad that the spider that has been staying with us has been here for some days (maybe weeks?), but just with 1 flush in the toilet bowl by him, and the spider is gone, just like this. i feel so sad for the spider, but idk why i feel so sad that i just wanna cry. and i dont feel like talking. animals and insects die all the time. and i kill ants too. but idk why im just so sad for this spider. maybe because it has survived well in our house for some time? and then it's gone just in an instant?

i need to get this out here because if i told anyone about it, no one will understand. sorry spider.

Stupid stupid stupid. Sometimes men are just plain stupid. Dumb dumb dumb. And brain of a square. Also taking goodwill for granted. Why shojld i spoonfeed u like a little child? Should just let u taste the consequences for your lack of effort. Ugh annoying. Annoying annoying annoying.

Breathe breathe breathe. Cool down, get distracted. And just sleep. Not worth my time.

I'm so stressed. So frustrated. So angry. So upset. So unhappy. 

I'm turning 32 in 2 days' time and I don't feel happy at all. It's been such a trying year. It's been such a tiring year. And it' the saddest birthday of my life.

Dear God, when are you gonna give me a break? I know I do make mistakes but this is just too much shit to take in. I can be strong but I am so tired.

I miss my mum and dad.

Updates (31 Dec)

Things are much better. More at peace. I thank whoever is up there for making life more at ease for me. Thank you. At least I have the mental capacity to feel better and self care for a bit now. I feel mentally lighter. And there are days I feel happier. Thank you. Always rem to love yourself.

Dear diary, 

I dont know how long I can take this. It's getting too much for my mental state. 

I wish I can just run away to a happy and worryless place. I wish to just hide and not face anyone or anything. 

Why am I being punished for something I did not even do at all? Why am I giving up so much of my wellbeing to fulfill that of his? I love him but that's a little too much isn't it? I keep thinking of what Rebecca posted on IG about emotional tanks of children. "If we were to fill their emotional tank, then who is to fill ours?" It is so relatable. If I keep filling his tank, then who is to fill mine?

I'm so sandwiched. I really don't feel like talking to him or engaging him. Doesn't mean that I don't love him. I do. I'm just tired of all these shit. All these negativity. My emotional tank is almost empty.

Signing off,

Me

Dear diary,

It's so tough. If God is testing my strength, am I not strong enough yet?

It is tough trying to lift my loved one up, while fighting with the longing for my interests. 

How can I do this? I love him but I do have my own tank to fill. It's heartbreaking to see him wallow in sadness and anger all the time. And tiring for me to face that negativity and idealistic expectations all the time. Also, I can't be running on an empty tank right?

Please grant me wisdom and the fighting spirit. To help me pull through this.

Thank u.

Weiling

Weiling

Dear diary,

It's been a roller coaster ride. Humans can really be as tough as a rock sometimes. And im just so amazed by how my mental strength can be.

In short, this year's been a test to how much my mental and emotional capacity can take. Being pregnant. And coping with life changes as bb's mom passed and we had to adult so much faster to take care of his dad.

It was and is still really tough. Especially when the 2 of us are still starting our own lives, building and discovering so much, life throws us a huge blow. As much as I know I have to adult one day, I really do miss being the carefree weiling that I was. I have no complains about my life right now, but I really do miss being happy you know.

I've always been putting up this strong front in front of bb, because u can't afford 2 people feeling discontented and moody about life everyday. I have to and want to be the one that lifts him up. Because I do believe that there's so much to be happy about in life. Just that somehow I've parked it somewhere because of the amount of responsibilities I feel I have to take. I often ask myself, is if a have to or is it I think I have to? 

I miss my playful and fun self. My social self. Somehow ive lost it. And I really wanna find it back. But how? I really wanna do things that I enjoy. I've always dreamt of going to the beach again, or being with nature again, going on outdoor adventures again. That is what makes me feel alive. But how? I wanna be bold and expressive once again. It makes me feel so liberated. But how? Can I chase after these again?

I miss connecting with bb. Pouring our hearts out. Bring intimate both emotionally and physically. But how? I don't wanna be caught up with the should dos and have to dos until I suddenly die and leave the world. Despite the world being full of sufferings, but there's still so much that I want to do or experience. I don't wanna die unhappy.

I wish bb would have this enlightenment too. So he'll be happier.

In the meantime, maybe I just need to reconnect, recalibrate, and feel alive again. I'll try.

Love,

Weiling

Jiayou, stay strong. U can do this. To be continued..

 

Dear diary,

Things seem to be happening well. I am so happy and encouraged. Let's enjoy the present, but not get complacent, shall we?

Me :)

It’s so sad that no one seems to know love or desire to love anymore. It all feels like social dating norm and game.

Dear diary,

I miss him so much. I miss every single thing about him. It’s been 1.5years. And I still love him. I tried moving on, I tried letting go, I tried cutting him off, I tried dating others. But I can’t. I really can’t. I love him too much.

Read his last text again.

“Imm, spend time with ur family always. Never giv up in anything u do. I will always wish you to be safe even if im nt there to protect u. I hope u will smile always. Ur smile is something ill never forget. I will miss u very much too.”

And my heart broke again.

I miss you.

Dear diary,

I am heartbroken. So heartbroken. It feels devastating. I miss him like crazy yet I can only continue to miss him and continue to plough over time. I miss him so much it’s ripping my heart apart. I wish he could feel it. I wish we could heal, and love again. That breakup hurt like shit. I felt that we needed to go through that though, to find ourselves again. Or even rediscover about us. To learn from mistakes. To cherish each other much more. I still love him. I chose to let go not because I don’t love him anymore. I let go because I had the wrong perspective of how love should be. Love is not leaving each other for what we think the other needs, which eventually we think will make us happier people. Love is sticking through each other in times of thick and thins and vulnerabilities, for each other, for us. To be willing to believe and have faith, and want to put in effort to find a middle ground because love and the relationship come first. And only now then I can empathise a lil better why he felt like his trust was betrayed. I was so clouded. I felt hurt and rejected by him as well, I lost faith. I felt abandoned by him for work. I felt like I lost him to work. That’s why only after the breakup that he expressed so much more, that I felt his love. He was just struggling so much that I couldn’t understand, and fell into a negative spiral myself. We should not be punished for this. I wish he could understand.

I still miss you every single day. It hurts so much. But I am going to plough. To support him and place my needs as secondary for now because that’s what he really needed and still needs. Because he’s the only one I want.

Have faith. You are stronger than you think, girl. Go for it. No regrets.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/rediscovering-love/201306/relationship-disenchantment

Randi Gunther Ph.D.Rediscovering Love

Relationship Disenchantment

Challenging relationship burnout and revitalizing your relationship

RE

New lovers often promise each other that they will be together forever. Offering glorious promises of enduring intertwinement, they willingly pledge to give up personal independence in exchange for a future of secure belonging.

Unfortunately, the keeping of those promises are subject to many unexpected challenges, even when they are genuinely made. Unexpected crises arise in all intimate relationship that can eradicate blissful expectations, and most new lovers, caught up in the fantasy of indestructible love, don’t anticipate them adequately.

As each couple eventually faces their personal pitfalls and whirlpools, many are unable to maintain their promises of forever-commitment. Others fight valiantly to overcome their challenges and survive, using every available resource to hang on to their connection. Like emotional warriors fighting a never-ending surge of increasing embattlements, they keep trying to make things better despite the greater challenges and lessening rewards.

Sadly, at some point, disillusionment, defeat, and dissatisfaction may overcome any dedicated partnership, and it can deteriorate into relationship burnout, the ultimate outcome of continuing disenchantment. The once mutually-beloved partners may find themselves on the unfortunate path of lessened rewards and diminishing returns. If they cannot regenerate the love they once shared, their relationship may be irreparably damaged.

There are many warning signs that can predict relationship disenchantment if couples are willing to heed them. They can begin early in a relationship but may be too subtle then to easily recognize. Most partners would rather focus on what they love about their relationship. By the time these problems cannot be ignored any longer, it may be too hard to solve them. If they are willing to pay attention to these early warning signs of potential demise, they could more easily reverse their downward course and turn things around before it is too late.

The Warning Signs of Relationship Disenchantment

Narrow Focus

When a relationship is in a prolonged crisis, both partners tend to lose sight of innovative options. When they most need to overcome destructive patterns and defeating habits, they are more likely to hold on more tenaciously. Even when they know there are better ways to handle the problems, they still seem to fight for their positions in old patterns that don’t work anymore.

This tendency for partners to sharpen their focus rather than adopting a broader perspective and facing what is happening soon spreads out to every facet of their relationship. They lose “peripheral vision,” and cannot see new ways to deal with the broader situation or its underlying meaning. They are in crisis, forced to choose between familiarity and risk. If they do not choose to courageously face changer, they will resort to old solutions and become more frustrated, weary and indifferent. Eventually they will lose patience with each other and their relationship will begin to unravel.

Low Energy

Partners in healthy relationships keep a reservoir of resources to draw from when they are overwhelmed by unexpected disappointments and challenges. Between crises, they nurture their relationship to maintain their resilience and keep those reservoirs full. Like emergency vehicles always ready for the next call, their resources are up-to-date and in good condition.

If a couple relies on unproductive patterns that have ceased to produce results, they put themselves in danger of depleting those resources. Because old habits take less energy and thought, they often slip into them instead of searching for new ways to improve their interactions. Changing habits in the midst of crises are hard for anyone, especially when a relationship is under duress. Just when they need most to be creative in their approach, most couples are likely to continue in the old ways, becoming more disrespectful and indifferent to each other as they lose direction.

Desire to Escape

As their relationship deteriorates, intimate partners search for ways to escape their increasing discomfort and feelings of defeat. Unable to resolve their dilemmas, they begin to feel as prey to the other’s predator. In that role, they are likely to experience stressreactions of flight, fight, or freeze. They can’t live with the situation, cannot see a way to leave, and cannot bear what they are experiencing.

Sometimes, they find themselves unable to leave even when they want to. They may have created many tethers that are still holding them together outside of their personal relationship. There might be established obligations to family, financial burdens, or important, desirable social networks. The loss of those attachments can seem more painful than what they are undergoing. Though exhausted from unproductive skirmishes, the partners may be immobilized in their inability to make the decision to cut those ties.

Some find ways to symbolically escape while staying in the relationship. The most common are to withdraw outwardly and/or inwardly, and to re-direct their energies into more pleasurable, productive, or less painful directions. Unfortunately, those choices are most often made without the consent of the other partner. Addictions, infidelity, commitments to others, plunging into alternate activities, more intense spiritualcommitment, or seeking personal therapy are likely occurrences.

As partners spend more time excluding each other, the demise of the relationship is not always obvious. New experiences away from the relationship often bring them pleasure and relief which often makes their existing relationship seems even more dissatisfying. The road back is strewn with boredom and diminishing motivation to continue the struggle.

Blame and Guilt

When intimate partners begin to experience increasing frustration and disappointment, they often resort to finger pointing to determine who “the guiltier” party is. The resulting score-keeping is endless: neither person wants to look into the mirror of fault, and will do and say whatever is necessary to come out from under the guilt assigned by the other. Counter-invalidations replace compassionate listening, and defensiveness reigns. Lurking just under the blame/guilt agenda is the deeper knowledge that the relationship is dying and that loss may be inevitable.

What once was “we are a team,” has now become “if only you were different, then I…..” The potential beauty of a synergistic union is now a rapidly disintegrating array of thrown punches. Both partners may not even be aware of the effect of his or her attacks on the other as “one-upsmanship” prevails.

Blame and guilt never creates a foundation for learning or transformation. They are more than useless responses; they destroy any hope of a relationship’s finding its way back.

Loss of Hope

There can be good outcomes from the challenges of crises if hope is not lost. Intimate partners can learn from their mistakes and create new options for change in the future. But, if hope fades, despair becomes its replacement. The partners lose confidence in what was once a strong and resilient bond.

As hope disappears, so does the loss of trust and of faith follow closely behind. It becomes easier to just stop trying and to give in to what seems to be an inevitable outcome. Some people fall into grief or depression, fearing that they might never find another love. From that place of anticipated loss, they may not be able to bear the powerless heartbreak and give up. When intimacy is replaced with apathy, people don’t hurt as much anymore but are simultaneously less motivated to care about the outcome.

Now each partner must either find new reasons to fight for the relationship, or to somehow bear the anguish of either leaving or being trapped in a no-win situation. If they stay, spiritless and withdrawn, their physical energy will decline, their sexual interest will wane, their emotional risk-taking will sharply dissipate, and their faith in love and intimacy will be severely compromised.

Preventing Relationship Disenchantment

Once relationship partners have become disenchanted, it is a hard and long road back to love again. Preventing their relationship from slipping into that state in the first place requires more conscious awareness and vigilance.  Early intervention takes much less energy and time than damage control.

Narrow Focus

If a couple becomes aware that they are using the same dysfunctional tactics over and over, they can choose to stop those patterns. Awareness helps to go beyond the limitations they have created. Both partners must be willing to recognize them and intentionally stretch them even if it is uncomfortable. It takes the willingness to risk and to look at things in a new way, even when they feel stressed and more self-preservation than caring. It can be done if both partners agree to support each other’s points of view.

Courage is not being unafraid. It is acting heroic in the face of fear. When partners are unhappy in their relationship, but afraid to embrace new options, they are often immobilized in their ability to look at things in a new way. If a couple finds themselves going around and around the same ideas, conflicts, and feelings without new options arising, they may need the advice of a good professional to see beyond their current stress-related emotional limits.

Low Energy

If the partners in an intimate relationship feel overwhelmed and exhausted from their powerless attempts to stave off their failing connection, their fatigue may come from many areas and show in a multitude of ways. Sometimes they have just had too many losses or severe challenges and they no longer see the other as a viable team member. Now separated in their personal distress, they have failed to stay in close communication or consistently check out each other’s pressures and resources. Their prior sense of feeling supported and covered is gone, replaced by lonely internal struggles in the presence of someone who was once their most trusted go-to person.

If the partners are flailing in relationship disenchantment, they will only feel more exhaustion and less motivation if they do not re-commit to each other and give the relationship the energy it needs for them to succeed. Both partners must help the other to get the time and space needed to physically regenerate and emotionally recharge while, at the same time, re-building the closeness that creates synergistic fuel. Energy drains such as non-resolvable conflicts, anxiety, guilt, depression, frustration, martyrdom, resentment, and the like, must be put aside. They burden a relationship that is already fragile.

When partners realize that their resources are low and their demands are high, they must prioritize together what is most important, and let go of everything that is not. They make certain that their relationship is the most important thing to both of them and that teamwork is essential to stop the bleeding.

Desire to Escape

When disenchantment reigns, relationship partners don’t run away. They know that escaping the situation will only make it more likely they will lose eventually lose each other. Sometimes, however, a temporary escape can help reduce the stress as long as both partners agree. Burdened by the past, or fearing the future, is enough to want freedom from those worries. If either partner feels the need to temporarily escape to regenerate, he or she must agree to only do so with the knowledge, acceptance, and participation of the other. 

Positive escapes return partners more able to re-commit to the relationship with more renewed energy and hope. Those that bring them back dissipated, more discouraged, and less open to new ways of being are understandably counter-productive.

Escaping together to rest from overwhelming stress is an often prescribed temporary solution to couples who are overloaded. Whether that overload comes from outside influences or from within their interpersonal interactions, regenerating experiences can often bring back the calmness and openness a couple needs to begin a healing process.

Blaming

As couples lose their ability to empathize and support each other, they often resort to accusations of blame or reactions of guilt. Making a concerted effort to stay away from assigning blame or creating guilt goes a long way towards making partners safe with each other again. Except in cases of clear accountability, it doesn’t really matter who is wrong or right or whose needs should come first. If either partner needs understanding or kindness, deciding who “the bad guy is” will only prolong the antagonism.

Both partners can avoid blame if they simply tell each other what they need, ask if the other has the resources to fulfill that desire, and not feel wronged if the other partner cannot accommodate. Couples who want to regenerate their enchantment with each other allow for all desires but don’t feel entitled to having them fulfilled. Even with the best of intentions, not all people have the resources or inclination to always put their partners first in every situation. If the partner who cannot fulfill that need can instead offer what he or she can give, that can lead to a better outcome. If the one who has the need is able to self-soothe, or modulate that need into smaller requests, the other partner may be able to give something that will help.

Defensiveness in response to blame or invalidation is the core of bitter and unproductive arguments. As soon as one partner feels that the unjust finger of wrong-doing is pointed, he or she will retaliate with what the other has done that is worse. The result will be a continuing negative spiral of accusation, reversal of blame, and defensive self-righteousness.

Leaning into critique is a wonderful ability. When partners can listen to the legitimacy of another’s distress without feeling they must agree or change, they often neutralize the other’s distress or find that the presenting problem was not the issue. It should always be the first response to any upset in the other.

Loss of Hope

When intimate partners lose faith in their relationship’s ability to revive, they also lose motivation, energy, and desire to keep working on it. That loss of hope can happen early on in some relationships or after much disillusionment in others. Hope is the fuel that partner’s use to keep trying. To keep that hope alive, both partners must hold it sacred and never threaten the other with abandonment unless there are truly no more avenues to walk.

Hope is always possible if transformation is included in the equation. It is required in order to keep the other contributing factors at bay. Without hope, intimate partners will ultimately narrow their focus, lose energy to keep trying, begin looking for escapes, and start blaming their partners for what has gone wrong. They are in anticipatory grief of a loss they do not believe they can endure. They will become physically exhausted, emotionally drained, quick to negative emotions, sexually uninterested, and spiritually without faith that things can change.

This is the time for compassion. People who once loved each other deeply can put their own distresses aside and care for someone who once was their most trusted and treasured companion. Had that partner felt lost or unhappy when the relationship was new, the other would have rushed in to help. Now, both must simultaneously reach back into the past and revive those prior responses to take away the pain the other is experiencing. No one can do that easily when attacks, character assignations, or invalidations are common interchanges. Those must cease for hope to remain alive.

Relationship disenchantment can feel like an irrevocable loss. One-time mutually beloved partners, who were in awe and wonder of each other when they fell in love, have now lost the magical feelings that made them feel so invincible when that love was new. That remarkable connection that seemed irreplaceable and unassailable is now buried in suspicion and anguish.

If partners who are still enchanted with each other could see the warning signs of that heart-breaking potential, they would have a chance to hold on to the wonderment they created together. It only takes the willingness to be consistently vigilant to the warning signs to stop that negative spiral before it begins.

Dear diary,

Now I question myself if I like LB. I am so afraid to fall for someone and invest my emotions and feelings into a relationship again. It's such a tiring process. I know it should not be. It is supposed to be a fun and happy process. But after so many failed attempts at sustaining a relationship, you become so scared to lose something which doesn't come by easily that you rather not touch it.

Sighpie. The conversations with him during the first week were so enjoyable. He's really cute. Until he went away for his intense training with limited wifi which explains the slow texting, I lost that momentum. And now, I just feel so scared to talk to him again. Dear diary, why am I such a wuss :( looking at his fb profile, the people that he is surrounded with, I can't help but to feel insufficient. I need that courage :|

AHHHHHH. Annoyed by my own lack of confidence. Weiling ah Weiling.. Can you just do it man. Man up!!! Think of it as you don't really have anything to lose. "We can try."

Weiling

Dear diary,

It's been years! Anyway, I am so excited to say that.. I AM SO IN LOVE WITH THIS GUY. Well, there's actually nothing going on between us yet. But at least we are chatting. He's really cute. Positive vibe and all. Unlike the past where I have always fallen for guys whom I have chemistry with, that something more like what I have always said, now I believe that there is something else that is as equally important to me which I have always overlooked - and that is, someone who can bring out the best in me. AHHH. I haven't had such googoogaga feeling over someone for years already. I hope something comes out of it!! Though I haven't actually really met him (only once, and that's like 6 months ago), I am actually missing him. Well, I guess it really doesn't take two people to be in the same part of the world to connect.

On a side note, I am really over B. Erm this new guy's name actually starts with B. But just to be consistent, new guy will be called LB, and B will remain as Ivan. So anyway, I still hope to reach out to B. I really want to prove to him that despite past romantic complications, a guy and a girl can still be friends, and that my friendship with him is for real, not just any that comes and goes out of convenience. Sigh. People might say that things have changed, so why still bother when he doesn't seem to care. But somehow, I just feel a special connection with him, and this doesn't have to be romantic. I really don't know how to explain this. I might have a soft spot for him I guess. Like how I have a thing for broken people. Sigh. During the bbq, I got to know that he did show actions that he cares. But why did he sound so reluctant and uncomfortable when I texted and asked for a meetup? Is it because he is afraid that I am still carrying hopes of something romantic which he doesn't want me to and so he is avoiding me? Or is it that he just doesn't want to face all these complications like lingering feelings of confusion and unhappiness because it will be another mental torture again? I really really hope he opens up. I still care for him as a person but I don't want to be forceful about it. But I will not give up. I will continue to write the letter book to him.

So anyway, recently I have been trying to describe and associate adjectives with guys in my life that I've liked/like. Pretty interesting. Here we go.

1) Shengyu - Super sweet/caring, fun, smart/all rounded
2) Matthew - Simple, happy, cute, sensitive, fun and cheeky
3) Aylwin - Chemistry, cute, sensitive, fun and cheeky
4) Elisha - Simple, sweet, cute
5) Ivan - Super sweet/caring, ultra chemistry, sensitive, fun and cheeky, real (though limited to situations)
6) LB (up to date) - Positive, inspiring, happy, simple, cute, fun and cheeky, smart/all rounded, real

I miss LB though. I can't wait to meet him in person (not like there are already arrangements to. I am just hoping for one because of our conversations that are suggestive of it.). But that girl that keeps tagging him and said that she missed him in one of the posts.. :( make it sound like they are so close. To add on, drumming is like an additional similarity and interest that they share :( I am scared :( that he is already "taken". Diary, please bless me.

Weiling

Around the corner I have a friend,
In this great city that has no end,
Yet the days go by and weeks rush on,
And before I know it, a year is gone.
And I never see my old friends face,
For life is a swift and terrible race
He knows I like him just as well,
As in the days when I rang his bell.
And he rang mine if, we were younger then,
And now we are busy, tired men.
Tired of playing a foolish game,
Tired of trying to make a name.
"Tomorrow" I say! "I will call on Jim"
"Just to show that I'm thinking of him."
But tomorrow comes and tomorrow goes,
And distance between us grows and grows.
Around the corner! yet miles away,
"Here's a telegram sir" "Jim died today."
And that's what we get and deserve in the end
Around the corner, a vanished friend.

Remember to always say what you mean.
If you love or like someone, tell them.
Don't be afraid to express yourself.
Reach out and tell someone what they mean to you
Because when you decide that it is the right time it might be too late.
Seize the day. Never have regrets.
And most importantly, stay close to your friends and family,
for they have helped make you the person that you are today.