Repost:

Yes u, B. Ivan Sung. Reason being you were my dearest bingbing whom I would used to call you by. Why is there always a period of time when I would feel exceptionally distant from you? Will we overcome this again like how we did a year ago when I was touched by what you did for my birthday and became closer after that distant period? What are you thinking? How are you feeling? Don't you feel that we are no longer the close friends that we used to be? Why do you seem so indifferent? I thought I could be different. I thought I could open up your heart. But the fact is that, I can't. You are the most unfeeling appearing person that I've come across. Do you know that? I guess your heart is deeper than where I thought it would be and thought I could reach out to. But it seems that I am wrong. All the sweet memories that we once shared seem to be non existent. I want to let go. I don't want to hold on to the hope of returning to how close we would be anymore. It is making my heart ache. And I feel so miserable. I long so much for you yet each time when I see you, it's nothing but mere annoyance. And I don't know how this can happen. I yearn so much to draw us closer together, but you just annoy me by sounding sarcastic, indifferent, and you're just like a rock. So hard, tough, and cold. You're like a stranger who is no one like the warm and dear brother that used to be there for me all the time. You used to be the first to know everything on my mind and now you seem to be the last, or sometimes you never knew. I don't even know how I'm feeling anymore. I thought I liked you more than just a friend. But your actions turn me off every time we meet such that I feel so ready to let go. I feel like I'm just holding on to the past, which is not even liking. I'm just missing the good old days. Actually you know what. I think I should stop thinking. Each time this happens, I should calm myself down and after a while, I won't feel as affected anymore. Like how I just did. As I came out of the washroom, I feel more calmed down. Girl brain, girl brain. Stop thinking so much. - 5/10/14

And yes indeed. We did overcome this again like how we did a year ago when I was touched by what he did for my birthday and became closer after a distant period. But it's a vicious cycle :( I wanna get out of this. I'm gonna tell him about my feelings.