Hello dear diary,

Though it's like 2 days late, but! Hey, I've really gotta blog about this. Yup! The dinner with E. It really meant a lot to me. I don't know to be happy or upset that the reason he approached me was because of B. Well, I was quite taken aback at first when he told me that the main reason, on the surface, is because of B, but deeper reasons, he wasn't comfortable to share. Well, I guess he has his own reasons so I don't wanna push him for it. But anyway, B is like the last thing on my mind that I would think is a reason for him to approach me. In fact, I thought it was something to do with the closure between us back then. But oh wells, it doesn't matter anymore I guess. When he said that he heard stuff about B and I, he knows I'm affected, and he wasn't sure how much support I have, so he just wanted to make sure that I was ok, my heart was like.omg.too.sweet. I was simply.. touched? Dammit. My heart's easy to melt huh? But who would wanna risk jeopardizing his current relationship by initiating to meet up with someone whom he once had feelings for, just to be there for her? I am truly appreciative. Like from the bottom of my heart. So I really hope that he and Regina would be happy always because he is a nice guy and I believe she is the one who can make him feel like the happiest boy on Earth. But oh wells, as I tried to understand more about his love life, idk, maybe he thought I was being a kaypoh, so he seemed reluctant to disclose much. And he was saying that he's very stressed up with school. Indeed, a year ago when we ended, he was so stressed up with school too. And I really wanted to make things better for him back then, but I guess I just wasn't the one. Maybe I was being selfish too. I wanted more than he could give. I hope that Regina is making him feel loved and all right now, which will reduce his stress towards school, and have some comfort where he can turn to when he needs support. Haha. Anyway, for a moment, I was brought back to the past. Like when he was singing "Hey jude". That familiar voice which I used to think was the most mesmerizing I've ever come across in my life. It made me just have that urge to ask for more, which I knew wasn't appropriate and so did not.  I can still remember once when we phoned, he played the guitar over the phone and sang just because I wanted to hear it. And I remember he asking me once at his place what song I would like him to learn over the piano so that he could sing it for me. And I said, "Way back into love". Well, I was very much infatuated then that's why haha. And I was learning "Together" by Neyo on my keyboard too, waiting to surprise him when I finished the entire song. Oh wells, neither of them happened, but nonetheless, sweet memories. And when we were chasing each other around in the supermarket.. Was like how we used to tickle each other and run around in school. That cheeky little boy in him. Haha. And there was this instance when we were standing a little close and I sensed that scent from him that I used to like. I remember he saying that he doesn't use perfume. So I guess it's just him. It's like.. a clean and fresh baby smell? Haha. Felt just a tad close again. But I still can differentiate between the past and the past within the present. I guess it's just like reading a certain chapter of an old book once again, but with knowing that the ending is already fixed as it is. We're not meant to be, and never will be. It's just.. a moment of reminiscence, and it'll remain as a part of my life, a piece of beautiful memory.

And as for B. I've really come to terms of what I want, at least for now. He is not what I want as my partner in life. Even if I once felt like he was everything I needed and wanted, that was in the past. Right now, all the things that made me fall in love are no longer around. But still, I wanna keep him close to me :) and that's all I wanna do now. Without expectations, I'm really becoming better at restoring our closeness in the friendship. Yup. And meanwhile, he's taught me the importance of seizing the right moment, and to love at all cost when the right feeling is at your doorstep, for there is no guarantee that something once capable of being beautiful will ever return again.