Dear diary, is it possible for B and I? I keep losing hope and motivation :( I wanna get close to him, but he seems distant.. forever. Sigh. Should I give it a try? Or should I just let it go? I didn't feel anything when I held his arm just now outside the Benten cafe. But there is somewhere deep inside me that is still harbouring some hope. Hope that there were some sparks between us. Maybe it's on the account that we were once close, that I'm still hoping something would come out of it since people with such special chemistry don't come by easily. On a side note, reminiscing the memories with E with hui just now just makes me feel so :) once again. E was such a sweet guy. Told hui about how he would use to drive with just one hand and the other would be holding mine. And I suddenly recalled how we tonned together at KAP mac when he was trying so hard to not fall asleep and so he slept on my laps at a corner table downstairs. I miss that kind of affection. But I guess the feelings just weren't right. I guess we were just not meant for each other. I hope Regina is the one for him, and that they will fit each other like two jigsaw puzzle pieces :) Sigh. B. Why is it so difficult to maintain the closeness with you? Why is it so hard to reach out to where your heart is? Why do you seem so near to me yet so far? I don't know if I should tell him explicitly, continue to let our actions tell us what will happen in the future, or just stop trying to open up his heart at all. I don't know what will become of us if we talked about things explicitly. Will we progress to a closer stage? Or will we distant apart even further? Am I still important to him such that he will always wanna keep me close even as a friend in his life no matter what happens? Is he still that special and important friend to me whom I will always still put in effort to keep close in my life no matter what happens? We seem to have drifted further and further away lately :( what will happen to this friendship? Will we stay, or will we go?