Dear diary,

Went out to celebrate Sam's bday with the rest yesterday. We had bugis steamboat. And B was around. I miss him. But it just doesn't feel the same when we are in a group. I miss spending alone time with him. And I don't know how I can tell him that. When he held my bag outside mos as I went to the washroom and so that Tim can have the chair that I rested my bag on, it was like an act of intimacy that I just felt a tinge of sweetness towards. And when Tim teased us about the spicy chicken in mandarin (la ji), which means french kissing in hokkien, B didn't say anything in defense but only laughed. In addition, when yh teased him to get prepared to take a shot with me when I commented that she and Sam looked compatible in their polaroid shot, he only commented "wah" and that was it. Kinda felt shy yet a tad happy. I felt like I just wanna hold him, hug him, and have him by my side. And what made me feel so damn relieved was when he was trying to find C's lighter from her pocket and she cheekily made the "oh~" sound, like as if to show scandalousness, he commented, "not interested". I felt like I was flying in my heart. But yeah I know. Not interested in her doesn't mean that he is interested in me. But at least I am a much more important person to him, this I'm sure. Sigh. I miss spending alone time with him. I miss our hthts. I miss our long phonechats till the middle of the night. I miss hearing that gentle and soothing voice when he accompanies me over the phone on my way home. I miss turning my head sideways to look at him and have that familiar gaze return mine. That tough and distant yet vulnerable and sweet look on his face. I miss that never ending bye over the phone. I miss that cheeky smile. I miss that shy laughter. I miss everything about him. And I can go on and on. I wished he was lying beside me right now.

Ling.